This is final installment of my mini-series, The Soda Chronicles. Welcome to Part Five, or How I Found a Solution to the Most Trivial and Pointless Problem on the Planet.
A quick recap: I switched from sugar soft drinks to diet soft drinks due to excess calories. I switched from diet soft drinks to no soft drinks due to potentially harmful chemicals. I switched from diet soft drinks back to sugar drinks (in moderation) for less than a day. I then gave up soft drinks altogether because it was all getting so complicated.
In place of fizzy soft drinks I began to drink water or tea—sometimes iced, sometimes hot—and in much larger quanities, now that it was “free.” And this was fine for satisfying basic thirst and forcing myself to pee every forty-five minutes. But it didn’t do anything to satisfy that urge for something wet that would also tickle my nose.
A few weeks after giving it all up, I found myself in front of a cooler full of drinks. I peered wistfully into the ice-filled chest at the perspiring aluminum cans and I really wanted one. High fructose corn syrup or aspartame, it didn’t matter. I picked up one and looked at the label. Zero calories. Ah, it’s a diet one. But then I looked at the ingredients. Hmmm… just carbonated water and flavors. What have I discovered!
As you’ve already guessed, it was flavored sparkling water. And it was exactly what I was looking for.
I started trying different flavors. First was coconut. Good, but it didn’t sweep me away to an island paradise. Next was lime. Lime was always my diet soft drink of choice. Lime was good. Then orange, berry, grape, licorice, chocolate, beet, cookie dough, nacho cheese, and brown mustard.
I ultimately settled on lime and that’s what I’m drinking now. Oh, my primary liquid is still water and tea. I really only have something fizzy maybe once a week. But it’s enough to give me my fix.
And he lived happily ever after.
Now, if I could just find out a way to figure out my peanut butter problem.
February 9th, 2015
Welcome to my continuing mini-series, The Soda Chronicles. This is Part Four, or Why I Switched from the Sugar Stuff to No Soft Drinks At All. So on September 30, 2014, I decided to stop drinking diet soft drinks (really, to halt my intake of artificial sweeteners completely) and switch to regular sugar sodas again. […]
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February 2nd, 2015
Welcome to the third part of my mini-series, The Soda Chronicles. This is Part Three, or Why I Switched from Diet Soda Pop Back to the Sugar Stuff. In our last episode, our intrepid hero Charlie had seemingly found everlasting happiness with diet soda pop. It had no calories. It tasted good. And, best of […]
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January 26th, 2015
Welcome to the second part of my mini-series, The Soda Chronicles. This is Part Two, or Why I Switched from Regular Soda Pop to Diet Soda Pop. Unlike last week’s semi-rhetorical question, this one is easy to answer: calories. When I realized that the drinks I was guzzling down contained levels of sugar that could […]
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January 19th, 2015
Welcome to my new mini-series, The Soda Chronicles. This is Part One, or Why I Love Me Some Soda Pop. Ironically, I can’t actually answer that question because the concepts of likes and dislikes lie beyond logical definition. In short, people like what they like and they don’t like what they don’t like. Take mushrooms, […]
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September 1st, 2014
I don’t understand why prepackaged, dehydrated ramen noodles get such a bad rap. They’re quick, convenient, and taste as awesome as you’d expect from something providing your weekly recommended allowance of sodium. All I can think of is that their rock-bottom reputation is solely related to their rock-bottom price. Yes, they’re cheap. (You’d be hard […]
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July 28th, 2014
Way back in the 1990s, a couple of my coworkers belonged to an organization called Toastmasters. I had no idea what it was, but I did know one thing: I sure liked toast. And if there was an entire organization out there devoted to becoming a master of toast, then that was the club for […]
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May 15th, 2011
My topic trend of discontinued flavors now brings us to Kool-Aid’s MountainBerry Punch. While few people would use “Kool-Aid” and “gastronomic delights” in the same sentence, it’s only because few people know about this once-great flavor of sugary, mix-it-yourself beverage. To think that it’s no longer available brings a lump to my throat. Kool-Aid has […]
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May 9th, 2011
I’ve always assumed there were two kinds of food in the world: the kind you like and the kind you don’t like. The former category is filled with pizza, pasta, and peanut butter and tomato sandwiches; the latter category is filled with okra. However, as I’ve grown older I’ve found there’s a third category: sometimes-I-like-it-sometimes-I-don’t. […]
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September 10th, 2010
Have you ever gone to a movie and not gotten popcorn? I did once and let me tell you I regretted it for years and years afterwards. Going to a movie and not ordering a fifteen dollar tub of buttery heaven is like eating peanut butter without jelly, or macaroni without cheese, or ice cream […]
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June 2nd, 2009
I’m not sure how this all started, but every year I make Rachel a special cookie “cake”. It’s nothing more than a large chocolate chip cookie which I then frost in some sort of semi-creative manner. The most recent one was this weekend and I thought, what the heck, let’s upload ’em for all the […]
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May 26th, 2009
At times there are foods so spectacularly good, I alone cannot find the words to properly describe them. Though I do not speak of Pringles as often as other foods around here, this does not diminish my love of this well-formed, duck-billed potato crisp. So let us turn to the works of prose of the […]
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May 19th, 2009
Two hundred and ninety five days ago, when I embarked on this latest quest, my main goal was to get blood sugars back to reasonable levels. This was when I decided to focus on low glycemic foods and not worry so much about calories. It didn’t take long, however, (two hours?) for me to realize […]
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May 12th, 2009
You probably know the song Love and Marriage by Frank Sinatra. In fact, there’s maybe even a fifty-fifty chance you know it without ever having seen Married: With Children. It’s a classic song, but in our house, it goes something like this: Soup and sandwich Soup and sandwich Go together like … something witty that […]
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May 5th, 2009
Everybody has a perfectly decadent little treat that they save for rare occasions, such as a birthday, the installation of a new pope, or a sunrise. It’s something you want to indulge in, but you know you shouldn’t—mostly because Oprah told you not to. I have several items in this category, of course (pizza and […]
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April 28th, 2009
About a year ago I had an “interview” with Michy Devon. It wasn’t so much of an interview as it was her mailing me a list of standard questions and me replying with answers I stole from her previous interviewees. Just kidding. She got my usual snarky answers, which you can see if you visit […]
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April 21st, 2009
In the movie Ratatouille, Remy, shown here, describes the flavor of a strawberry in vibrant terms. Similarly, he vividly illustrates the tastes found in the cheese he’s holding. But then when he puts them together! Oh, new gastronomic vistas are opened! Two great tastes that taste great together isn’t just a marketing tagline for Reese’s […]
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April 14th, 2009
Don’t Forget! Today is Day Two of my Virtual Book Tour. Head on over to Peanut Butter Boy and you won’t be sorry. Well, actually, you might be. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Not too long ago, I wrote about The Four Food Groups: Italian, Mexican, Chinese, and Cheeseburgers. Someone suggested, and I had […]
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April 7th, 2009
As you all know by now, I’ve been a peanut butter fan since I was twelve weeks old. (And by that, I don’t mean three months after my birth. I literally mean, since I was twelve weeks old.) Most fetuses (feti?) usually don’t have a hankerin’ for peanut butter this early, but then again, I’m […]
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March 31st, 2009
For some reason (which is currently unclear to me) I graduated with a minor in psychology. The only thing I can currently think of is that I figured it would help me write a couple blog posts some twenty years in the future. In one class I studied something called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. If […]
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March 24th, 2009
One currently popular item in our household is pictured here: Veggie Straws. In particular, my oldest daughter Sarah, normally very constrained around junk food, eats these things the way a normal person eats cake and ice cream. The ferocity with which she attacked the Veggie Straws forced me to double check the packaging to make […]
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March 17th, 2009
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day, everybody! Are you wearin’ your green today? Yeah, me neither. I always forget. And even on those occasions when I do remember, I find I don’t actually have many (if any) green clothes anyway. But you know what sounds good right now? Green beer. I suggest everyone get up, grab a […]
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March 10th, 2009
I’m not sure if there’s a cookie more “cookie” than the chocolate chip cookie. Sure, there are sugar cookies and snickerdoodles, peanut butter cookies and oatmeal scotchies … but there’s just something just so … just so quintessential about the chocolate chip cookie, it’s hard to put into mere words. If you think you know […]
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March 3rd, 2009
Welcome to the final part of my Four Part Series entitled, “The Four Food Groups.” As a quick review, the first three food groups were: Italian Food, Mexican Food, and Chinese Food. Last week I asked y’all to guess what the fourth food group might be. Pizza was a good choice, but I kinda rolled […]
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23 Comments »
February 24th, 2009
Welcome to Part 3 of a Four Part Series entitled, “The Four Food Groups.” Last week we covered one of my long-time favorites, the Mexican Food group. This week, it’s Chinese Food. (The astute Back to the Fridge reader knows that a disclaimer is imminent: I have never been to China or eaten any truly, […]
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February 17th, 2009
Welcome to Part 2 of a Four Part Series entitled, “The Four Food Groups.” Last week we covered the all-important Italian Food Group. This week, it’s Mexican Food. And just like last week, I have to add the disclaimer that I’m talking about the only Mexican Food I’ve ever known: Taco Bell. Just kidding. I’ve […]
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February 10th, 2009
Take a look at that picture. Did you ever see a greater sight? Forget the Grand Canyon! Who cares about the Taj Mahal? These things are so insignificant compared to the awesomeness of hot melted mozzarella cheese, that you could magnify them a thousand times, place them in the mouth of an ant, and they […]
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February 3rd, 2009
Cheese is one of the oldest food products known to man. Ancient Mesopotamian legend suggests that cheese was one of the Seven Foods of the Gods: a gift bestowed upon mankind, along with fire, the wheel, and cellular phone technology. I personally don’t buy into such silly superstitions. It’s very clear that early man gained […]
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26 Comments »
January 27th, 2009
During those vacations where I’ve made up my mind to just eat whatever I want (which, I can assure you, happens no more than eighty or ninety percent of the time) I always look forward to decadent breakfasts. I’m talkin’ pancakes, bacon, hash browns (oh the hash browns), bacon, fried eggs, bacon, and eggs fried […]
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January 20th, 2009
For some reason, back in 1998, I decided it would be a good idea to walk the Chicago Marathon. (Actually, it was my sister’s idea. I just decided to tag along. Full details of this adventure can be found in a certain book I wrote.) For now what’s important is the Honeycomb Cereal. And what […]
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January 13th, 2009
We have a winner! I decided to give away two packages of Pioneer country gravy mix last week. I just now went to random.org and asked for a number between 1 and 30 and it gave me 15. So I went back to the comments and realized it was: Tammy. Tammy who won my one […]
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25 Comments »
January 6th, 2009
Have you ever had a monkeyball sandwich? My guess is you haven’t, considering it’s something I made up myself and I haven’t told anyone about it. So if you have heard of it, that can only mean you own a time machine, you read this post, went back in time, fixed a monkeyball sandwich, and […]
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December 30th, 2008
Not every “You Know What Sounds Good Right Now?” post has to be about food. For months now, I believed it did. That is, until just this minute, when I realized it didn’t. Which is why I want to tell you about something that really sounds good right now. Ready? Here you go! It’s BBBB […]
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December 23rd, 2008
My job often entails non-standard hours and non-standard hours often entail food emergencies. While I bring regular food to eat every day, I also like to keep some non-perishables close by for those times when the choice is between death and vending machine meat sticks. Once upon a time I brought in some Campbell’s “Soup […]
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December 16th, 2008
Over the course of this blog, I’ve talked about many weaknesses of mine: pizza, Doritos, Long John Silvers Chicken Planks. It’s a pretty long list so I find it somewhat amazing that I’ve not yet talked about The Chex Mix at length. The Chex Mix, in many ways, puts all the rest of them to […]
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December 9th, 2008
Back in August 2007 when I had my first serious blood sugar epiphany, I embarked on a plan which attempted to eliminate as many high glycemic foods as possible. The resulting diet looked a lot like my earlier low carb forays, except that this time I cut out the soylent green. Actually, the biggest change […]
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December 2nd, 2008
Each “Part” in this series corresponds to one day of the New York trip. However, I didn’t actually say anything yesterday about the first day, so for those of you keeping score at home, today’s Part 2 actually covers both Monday and Tuesday of last week. I’ll be back on track tomorrow. Also, this is […]
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November 25th, 2008
Some of you are reading my blog because of this very post. It was my November 6, 2008 guest spot at mizfitonline.com. For those of you who haven’t seen it, I thought it was worth running here too. I’ve recently discovered a new health food and I just need to share this find with others. […]
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November 18th, 2008
My mom will attest to the fact that for eight years I consumed nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I’m positive that this strict and rigorous diet is what made me the man I am today. And why not eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches over and over and over? This sandwich is nature’s […]
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November 11th, 2008
Food is fuel, plain and simple. If you and I really had to, we could theoretically eat at McDonald’s three to six times a day and live. Variety is not a requirement for a sustained existence. And once food is converted to glucose and hits the bloodstream to power your trillion little buddies, your body […]
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November 4th, 2008
Me? I’ve been around the blogosphere once or twice. As I scour food and diet sites, one thing has become extraordinarily clear: oatmeal is important. I don’t know why (and I’m not sure I want to know) but the fact remains: eat oatmeal or risk mortal peril. I figured I must be missing out on […]
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October 28th, 2008
Many moons ago, when I was younger (as opposed to ‘many moons ago when I was older’?) a small group of friends set out on a quest: find large cheeseburgers and eat them. It began innocently enough with a set of Hardee’s Monster Burgers and ended with a four-pound Grandma Max Burger. At the time, […]
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October 21st, 2008
Zombie kid says it all. I like cheeseburgers. There are many words I like to use to describe them, but one stands out in particular. And that word is: elegant. I’m sure this isn’t the word that springs to most minds. This adjective is normally applied to objects of a high grade or quality. However, […]
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October 14th, 2008
Life is full of small pleasures if you know where to look. And if for some reason you don’t know where to look, then I suggest trying the canned food aisle at your local grocery store. There you just might find bliss in a small red, white, and yellow can. Spaghettios (which, for some reason, […]
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14 Comments »
October 7th, 2008
With October here and fall squarely upon us (at least for those of us who live above 35°N) our thoughts turn to raking leaves, carving pumpkins, and eating mountains and mountains of Fun Sized Three Musketeers bars. Fall is one of my top three favorite seasons and Halloween is definitely one of my all-time favorite […]
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September 30th, 2008
I like honey. It’s natural. It’s sweet. And best of all it has zero calories. I mean, how could it not? Why else would they have replaced all the sugar cereals with honey equivalents? What? You mean it’s not a low calorie sugar substitute? Sheesh! You’d think it was some sort of miracle diet food […]
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September 23rd, 2008
Unlike most diet blogs, I can’t guarantee that every single food item I bring up is going to be taken from the “it’s good for you” files. After all, this category is called, “You Know What Sounds Good Right Now?” and not “You Know What Kind of Vegetable I Should Be Eating Right Now?” So […]
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September 16th, 2008
Sooner or later it was bound to happen. Yes, I’m talking about the Sandwich Pal post. Those who already know me, already know Sandwich Pal. So you three can go ahead and find a more interesting site to visit. I recommend this one. For those of you still reading, you now need to imagine me […]
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September 9th, 2008
Now here’s something I bet you’ve never heard. “Hey, you know what sounds good right now?” “What?” “Mayonnaise!” My Tuesday food category isn’t limited to just ready-to-eat stuff. I definitely plan to talk about ingredients and other food sub-assemblies. When I was a kid, I didn’t like mayonnaise at all. (Now there’s a big revelation: […]
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September 2nd, 2008
I sure like nuts and today I’d like to talk about one of my favorites: Jim Carrey. No, wait. Not that kind of nut. I’m talking about the kind you can eat. (Hmmm… although, technically, I suppose Jim Carrey is edible.) Today’s nut is the pistachio and in my book it’s second only to the […]
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August 26th, 2008
It’s a fair bet to say that most of us were raised on sugar drinks. And with good reason. What better way to keep a growing kid’s mind sharp and focused than through a daily dose of eight pounds of pure cane sugar dissolved in ice water? I particularly remember summers growing up, my mom […]
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. . .
on February 16, 2015 at 10:34 am
PEANUT BUTTER HAS NO MOTIVATION
PEANUT BUTTER HARMS NO ONE
NOT EVEN PEOPLE WITH ALLERGIES
PEOPLE EAT PEANUT BUTTER
BE A PEOPLE
on February 16, 2015 at 10:37 pm
PEANUT BUTTER.
on February 19, 2015 at 3:00 pm
Ha, love that first comment! Yep, Tony bought Lime LaCroix all the time to mix with, well, vodka and it took me years before I tried one because I thought it would taste . . . minerally?
But it’s oh so good! I gave Mom a sip of one once when she was at my house and she almost gagged she hated the taste so much. That’s just more for me! 😀