Makin’ Bacon

push-baconBack in August 2007 when I had my first serious blood sugar epiphany, I embarked on a plan which attempted to eliminate as many high glycemic foods as possible. The resulting diet looked a lot like my earlier low carb forays, except that this time I cut out the soylent green.

Actually, the biggest change is that I ate a lot more bread this time around. But in the spirit of keeping insulin rushes to a minimum, I always ate rye or pumpernickel. It fell squarely under the general rule of thumb, “Don’t eat white food.” But what to do with bread? You don’t just eat bread all by itself. You eat it with butter and garlic and a ginormous plate of fettuccine. And that wasn’t exactly the plan. I thought to myself, “Self, what you need is some good low glycemic bread toppin’s, that’s what you need…”

I’m not sure how it happened, but bacon came right to the front of the line. Nearly identical to the later Toasted Salami Sammie, I fixed myself bacon and Swiss cheese on pumpernickel almost every day for nearly two months. It was really good and the highlight of my day. The soylent green was never this good.

Of course, the bacon is what made those sandwiches. And by “bacon” I mean “bacon the way Charlie likes it.” It has to be cooked to the point of disintegration. If there’s any tiny bit of fat or chewiness to it, I won’t touch it. My strips of bacon are like one giant bacon bit. You could use it as sandpaper.

Bacon Factoid: Did you know that you can take any other kind of food, anywhere on the planet, and that food will know a food, that knows a food, that knows a food, that knows bacon? It’s true.

I’ve found the best way to cook it is on the ol’ George Foreman. And I’m not talking about the grill, I’m talking about actually cooking it on George Foreman himself. He really gets hot under those infomercial lights. Okay, okay. I am talking about the grill. And why does it work on bacon so well? Because of the cover and the grease pan. Plain and simple. Bacon used to be a royal, splattering pain. But no more. As long as you don’t mind cleaning the charred residue every time you want to grill a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, this is a great way to cook.

John told me once that he heard, in his circles, that the George Foreman grill was a pointless toy and not useful for any kind of real food preparation. Well, I don’t care what Snooty Chef Today magazine says, this thing cooks bacon! And I bet it does a heck of a job on soylent green too.

(I know, I know. The Chicago Manual of Style strictly states: no more than two soylent green references per page. But after they read this post, they’ll see just how outdated that rule is.)

Now, what was I writing about again? Oh yeah, bacon! Well, I guess I’ve said all that needs to be said on the topic for now. So just push a button and have some today. You won’t be sorry.

14 Responses to “Makin’ Bacon”

Brandi said
December 9, 2008 at 6:08 am

Haha. I LOVE bacon. And that’s a great way to make bread and bacon a healthy part of the day! I wish I were that creative!

Biz said
December 9, 2008 at 6:39 am

Charlie do you remember mom making open face sandwiches for dinner? It was white bread, bacon and mozzarella cheese and she put them under the broiler. Funny thing is I don’t ever remember there being a side dish with it! Just those sammies – so good!

Off to make bacon .. .

Deborah said
December 9, 2008 at 6:50 am

Bacon is the bestest food ever.

Mara said
December 9, 2008 at 7:02 am

Thanks for the bacon idea… would’ve been great last night since I got burned with splattering bacon grease from a fry pan!
Love the Futurama reference πŸ™‚

Megan said
December 9, 2008 at 7:36 am

Bacon on a George Foreman grill…brilliant!

Helen said
December 9, 2008 at 8:17 am

Oh goodness. I’ve always said I could be a vegetarian were it not for pork products and bacon may be at the top of my pork list. I can eat it a pound at a time. Seriously, I can only cook as much as I plan on eating. I’m not kidding. Bacon goes with everything.

BarbaraB said
December 9, 2008 at 9:20 am

I have a George Forman grill. It puts a nice char on a bratwurst or hot dog. Of course, I don’t allow myself to buy bratwurst more than once or twice a year.

Tuscanystone said
December 9, 2008 at 9:35 am

I think I’m just about to wash down my GFgrill for a renaissance!

Nice one Charlie. Thanks for the reminder,

Tusc πŸ˜€

Pubsgal said
December 9, 2008 at 9:50 am

This is great! I do love bacon. And like Helen, if it wasn’t for bacon and other delectable pork products such as ribs, I probably could be a vegetarian. (Sorry, Wilbur.)

Speaking of gadgetry, have you seen this? It would work for me, that’s for sure:

johngl said
December 9, 2008 at 10:08 am

Fried belly of ungulate.

Absolutely one of the finest porcine products propagated by man.

I fry a pound at a time, saving the fat of course, then store it in the fridge. If I need a fix, it takes about a 15 second zap in the micro to warm it up. It is also handy to chop up for a salad or a potato topping.

And the fat? I use it, sparingly, to flavor green beans, asparagus, or fried eggs (among other things).

I am dying to try bacon from the now famous Iberian Blackfoots that give us the $100/lb ham. I smell a food quest.

Applewood smoked is my favorite.

The Foreman grill is still a toy πŸ™‚

Kyddryn said
December 9, 2008 at 12:39 pm

I enjoy a nice, crispy, well fried piece of bacon. Mmm…

Meanwhile, regarding the Receive Bacon? Some friends and I have ben placing stickers on hand driers in bathrooms all over the country that say “receive bacon” on them, but only the ones with the three wavy lines. Why, oh why, does it amuse us so??

I like my Foreman grill, but I have one of the old ones with the attached plates, and cleaning it is a pain in my big ol’ bottom, so I don’t use it as often as I could. Oh, well…

Shade and Sweetwater,
K (who may not be as grown up as she thought)

Charlie said
December 9, 2008 at 6:55 pm

Biz: I definitely remember those, now that you mention it. Those were good. I forgot about the moz cheese.

BarbaraB: If the problem is permission, I hereby grant you three bratwursts per year.

PubsGal: I finally have an item to add to my Christmas list now.

johngl: It is a toy. Just not a pointless toy. πŸ™‚

Kyddryn: Keep up with the sticker campaign. You are doing fine work, my friend.

Roni said
December 10, 2008 at 6:58 am


“It has to be cooked to the point of disintegration. If there’s any tiny bit of fat or chewiness to it, I won’t touch it. ”

Separated at birth I tell ya! Separated at birth. LOL

Jen said
December 10, 2008 at 1:03 pm

I just nominated you for a “fabulous blog” award on my blog if you want to participate!
Thanks for all of your fun posts.