Over the course of this blog, I’ve talked about many weaknesses of mine: pizza, Doritos, Long John Silvers Chicken Planks. It’s a pretty long list so I find it somewhat amazing that I’ve not yet talked about The Chex Mix at length. The Chex Mix, in many ways, puts all the rest of them to shame. Fortunately, I make sure The Chex Mix only happens once a year.
And that time is now.
Before continuing I want to make sure we’re all on the same page. There are two basic kinds of Chex Mix. If you’re not sure which kind is the right kind, print out this handy chart:
While it looks like a real time-saver, do not buy the pre-made kind. In what is perhaps the greatest irony in history, the company that invented Chex Mix has no idea how to prepare it in bulk. Sure, it looks like all the same basic ingredients. But these two things have as much in common as ketchup and mustard. Always make it from scratch. It’s not that big a deal.
Each year certain key members of my family make Chex Mix and send it to all the other key members of the family. That is to say, if you make four big batches of Chex Mix to send out you will receive exactly four big batches in return. While this may sound redundant, it’s actually a pretty good system, since everyone’s recipe and method of preparation differ slightly. I began making this year’s batches just last night.
A few of you have been closely tracking my weight loss progress since this summer. As you know, October 31 through January 2 is the Bad Time and I have a hard time coming through this period unscathed. As you also know, I’ve not only maintained this year but I have indeed lost a few more pounds. That’s amazing, considering it’s already December 16. That’s not amazing, however, considering I had yet to meet The Chex Mix. Forget Halloween. Forget Thanksgiving. Making Chex Mix is the true test of one’s inner strength.
I felt good when I started. I had a pretty good day eating-wise, and I was basically on track again after last Saturday’s mess up. So how did I do? Well, I think second illustration might best explain it:
I shouldn’t be surprised anymore, but yes, I ate a bit more than I’d planned to. Oh well. Christmas comes but once a year, right?
The thing is, I’ve always wondered what it is about this stuff that makes it so difficult to control. To help me figure it out, I finally took a good close look at the recipe. Here’s what I found:
- 3 cups of Corn Chex
- 3 cups of Rice Chex
- 3 cups of Wheat Chex
- 2 tablespoons of crack cocaine
- 3 teaspoons of heroin
- 1-1/2 teaspoons of morphine
- A few hallucinogenic shrooms
- 1 teaspoon season salt
‘Nuff said…
on December 16, 2008 at 4:46 am
Oh my god, I was at a party on Sunday and couldn’t.stop.eating. the Chex Mix!!!
Your recipe explains it all now.
on December 16, 2008 at 5:08 am
Ah… I get it now… it IS the crack that makes it so good!
on December 16, 2008 at 5:14 am
I add xanax to mine 🙂
And I totally agree: the bagged stuff sucks. They must leave out the morphine or something.
on December 16, 2008 at 6:15 am
Ah, it’s that season salt that always makes those magic mushrooms taste just a little bit better.
on December 16, 2008 at 6:39 am
Momma always sent me Chex Mix for Christmas and after she died I tried to find her recipe (it was the bestest). For some reason the recipe has disappeared. What? No more of Momma’s Chex Mix? Well, maybe that’s a good thing because I’d usually eat the whole tin in one setting. I do think one of my daughters has the recipe but I’m not asking her for it. Now that’s constraint!
on December 16, 2008 at 6:51 am
There is actually a species of chex mix with chocolate in it too, along with the crack, cocaine and meth.
on December 16, 2008 at 8:13 am
Ha! Love the illustration Charlie!
Can’t wait to taste your Chex Mix!!!
Tony still says Aunt Martha’s is the best though!
on December 16, 2008 at 8:24 am
Biz: And Tony’s right. But we’ll see if I can sway him with this year’s changes of mine. Not likely, but maybe.
on December 16, 2008 at 8:49 am
Love this post! What a crazy addictive recipe…all that crack and all.
on December 16, 2008 at 10:56 am
Thats such a fun tradition! I admit I love Chex Mix (the brand) though…only the “Bold party mix” though!
on December 16, 2008 at 11:00 am
So Charlie/anyone, you wanna explain to a Brit exactly what this stuff tastes like/of? Cos I have no idea what the fuss is all about……..
Tusc 🙂
on December 16, 2008 at 11:07 am
I can’t wait to get it Charlie! I love the illustration too! I laughed so hard at that!
on December 16, 2008 at 11:11 am
Tusc: It’s pretty easy to describe: equal portions of rainbows, unicorns, and sunshine. Just heat-n-eat.
Want me to send you some?
on December 16, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Ahhh… homemade Chex mix. Our recipe always included melted butter – my own very personal version of crack. Makes my mouth water just thinking about it.
on December 16, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Awwww you wouldn’t…….. would you?? 🙂
Perhaps I can send something in return?? Yeah, that would be fair! What British delights dont you get out there?
Tusc 😀
on December 16, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Charlie, this year I have REFUSED to make the Chex Mix until my daughter gets home for the holiday. I want help on the triple sized batch I make! Our addictive ingredients include: White Cheddar Cheez-Its, Cheerios and No-Peanut Mixed Nuts – along with maggieaprils melted butter.
on December 16, 2008 at 1:13 pm
btw Charlie, why don’t you have the check box at the bottom of your comments where you can opt for email notifications? It’s far easier than checking back all the time 😉
on December 16, 2008 at 1:19 pm
I am glad you found out the secret recipe. People are clearly dying to know! I tend to agree with maggieapril…. Butter is the new Crack!
on December 16, 2008 at 11:07 pm
How did I miss the crack?!! No wonder I end up wearing that bag as a hat!
on December 17, 2008 at 8:48 am
that graphic is HORRIBLE. In a funny way, I mean.
on December 17, 2008 at 8:56 am
OMG -I’m out getting my car fixed today, and I almost laughed out loud in the presence of total strangers. Your Chex Mix recipe is exactly right on. Too flippin’ funny for words. Wish I’d thought of it myself.
on December 19, 2008 at 12:06 am
[…] winks, and gloop (see below). I also love cold cuts, cheeses, and sandwich/cracker fixins. Bringing Chex Mix is, of course, a bit hit with me. And, if I have to, I’ll eat some cookies. But it’s […]
on December 20, 2008 at 4:39 pm
I’m the same way with Animal crackers. They are my crack.
on December 22, 2008 at 12:05 am
[…] is the week I’ve been looking forward to and dreading all season. It began Monday with the Chex Mix. It ended today with cookies. It peaked on Friday with Treats Day. And at this point, there really […]
on December 22, 2009 at 12:50 am
I haven’t had the packaged Chex Mix in a while, but I think the last time I did wondered why it didn’t taste like they used any Worcestershire Sauce. Needless to say, that’s pretty outrageous, since it’s the most distinctive flavor one associates with traditional Chex Mix. I guess they’re making it to suit the lowest common denominator.
You might enjoy this early Chex advertisement with an early Chex Mix recipe —
http://graphic-design.tjs-labs.com/show-picture?id=1073661144
on December 22, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Nice!
on October 4, 2010 at 11:55 am
There’s something, maybe the cocaine you mentioned, in a lot of dried trail mixes like that which I don’t understand. Really, they’re just salty crunchy snacks. But once I start eating them, I can’t stop, either. And I swear, some of the little dark brown squares have a weird salty, fatty core, like, Crisco or something? Am I imagining things or have you bitten into those too?