Chicken Planks

We have a winner! I decided to give away two packages of Pioneer country gravy mix last week. I just now went to and asked for a number between 1 and 30 and it gave me 15. So I went back to the comments and realized it was: Tammy. Tammy who won my one and only other giveaway. What’s with you!? You should be playing lotto numbers and not wasting time on my blog. Well, in the effort of fairness, I decided to roll again. I hope that’s okay, Tammy. I was worried my name might come up next. But nope, the internet picked Vicki this time. So it’s official! Send me an email via the Ask Charlie form and we’ll get you set up. (And Tammy, if you really want to walk away with two prizes, let me know. I’ll set you up too.)

Stress. It’s what life is all about. We all experience it. We all hate it. We wish there was a way we could eliminate it from our lives. (Or at the very least, deflect it upon our enemies, like Scut Farkas and Grover Dill.) But I have this theory (completely unsupported, of course) that we actually need stress. Not too much, mind you, but just enough to keep us on our toes and to give the non-stressful times more meaning.

A very common[citation needed] stress management technique is to close your eyes and picture yourself in your “Happy Place.” The idea is that if you can detach yourself from the situation and sort of mentally realign yourself, you can suddenly cope like you couldn’t before.

Which is why I love stress. Because every time I experience it, I close my eyes and suddenly I’m surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Long John Silver’s Chicken Planks. And the best part about Chicken Planks of the Happy Place is they have zero calories. Of course, that’s the worst part too. Because actually eating them is truly the best part of the plank experience.

Have you ever seen competitive eating contests? Of course you have! Who hasn’t gazed in awe at Takeru Kobayashi eating twenty five thousand hot dogs in eight minutes. Or marveled at Joey Chestnut consuming four hundred pounds of pizza during a single re-run of Friends. Well, let me tell you something: although I’ve never tried it myself, I personally believe I’d be a shoe-in for a Chicken Plank eating contest. Granted, I haven’t given it a shot yet, but I see no reason why I couldn’t eat fifty of those things in five minutes. And that would include an entire bucket of those delicious little crispy things.

I know that most of my audience is made up of fellow dieters. I know that my Tuesday food posts haven’t helped a soul with her (or his) own diet. But man, when it comes to Chicken Planks, there’s just no mercy. No mercy. I have to express my true feelings or bust.

And ‘bust’ is exactly what I’d do if I actually went out and bought them every time I had a hankerin’. Fortunately though, Long John Silver’s, for whatever reason, decided to close down the restaurant just a couple miles from my house. I suppose, from a diet point of view, I should be happy about this. But I’m not. In fact, it’s causing me quite a bit of stress. I’d love to write more about this but I need to close my eyes for a moment…

25 Responses to “Chicken Planks”

Fattygetsfit said
January 13, 2009 at 4:43 am

i’ve never had a chicken plank. i don’t want to try and become an addict. That’s also why I’ve never gone into a Cold Stone Creamery.

My happy place has cripsy seasoned french fries, things covered in cheese and boxed wine.

Christy said
January 13, 2009 at 5:27 am

Mmmm…chicken planks. I miss the US. 🙁

Tom Rooney said
January 13, 2009 at 5:34 am

My happy place is parked in front of my TV at a different age and watching really silly shows that have no redeeming features Like Ren and Stimpy.
Happy happy joy joy

Charlie said
January 13, 2009 at 7:01 am

FGF: Good plan I’m that way with a lot of foods myself. I don’t need another vice.

Christy: Not in the US? So where did yourlifeyourjourney take you?

Tom: Good stuff…

Deborah said
January 13, 2009 at 7:08 am

Congrats Vicki!

My “happy place” is Taco Bell and Burrito Supremes. I think I could eat my weight in them. Thank goodness there’s no Taco Bell within 100 miles of me, WHEW.

Mara said
January 13, 2009 at 7:15 am

mmmm…. LJS….
My happy place is most definitely Chipotle. No doubt.

Helen said
January 13, 2009 at 7:27 am

Hmmm. I don’t have a happy place when it comes to fast food. I tend to do things like make a tomato-mozzarella salad, drizzle with balsamic & olive oil then eat with crusty fresh bread and some wine. Happy-happy-joy-joy!

Also Charlie, I ordered your book with an Amazon gift card I got for Christmas and I should have it in a couple of days – can’t wait!

Anne (Happy Fun Pants) said
January 13, 2009 at 7:54 am

Woohoo Vicki!

Alright, so I have to say, I don’t get the Long John Silvers thing…mostly because the smell of the place makes me gag. I think it might be because I got food poisoning there as a kid and have never gone back (although I have been known to steal a hushpuppy or two from an unsuspecting co-worker).

Do you ever wonder why you couldn’t get sick on something you absolutely love now? Like, I would give a lot to have eaten ice cream and gotten sick…so that it would never enter my mouth again.

Tragically, ice cream is safe with me. But I’m not safe with it.

Tammy said
January 13, 2009 at 8:21 am

LOL! I can’t believe my number came up again. I think I need to go book a trip to Vegas now.

Ah, but that’s OK. I’ll let somebody else win this time. Thanks, Charlie!

I no longer go to LJS. Ever.
My happy place would most definitely involve fried cheese.

Meg said
January 13, 2009 at 8:47 am

I haven’t even thought of LJS in so long! Thanks for bringing back the memories…why am I thinking hushpuppies now? Oh dear!

MaryB said
January 13, 2009 at 8:59 am

Congrats to Vicki AND Tammy! That is pretty funny!
The next town over (ironically where my gym is) is getting a combo LJS/KFC. It should be open soon which scares me as those are two of my husband’s favorite restaurants, damn his skinny soul

Stephanie said
January 13, 2009 at 9:08 am

My happy place is in a suburb of Kansas City, Waldo, eating Waldo’s Gluten-Free Pizza with a gluten-free beer to boot!!!! It’s HEAVEN!

Good thing I live in Iowa….

Rachael said
January 13, 2009 at 9:25 am

Maybe this is strange, but I’ve used the happy place technique and it has never included food. I’m always on a beach or next to a waterfall dozing in the perfect weather with the sound of the waves or the waterfall. Now that’s a happy place.

Charlie said
January 13, 2009 at 9:36 am

Try adding chicken planks to that beach scene Rachael, and see how much more happier it gets.

And MB, the LJS/KFC combo was exactly what closed near my house. I was so sad. (Though I don’t actually like KFC, so I’m not sad about that half of the deal.)

Biz said
January 13, 2009 at 9:40 am

Yes Charlie, there is no other perfect food. I told my husband recently (before Christmas) that I was glad there wasn’t a Long John Silver’s around us because I’d be tempted to go there every day.

While coming back from an appointment, he passed by a LJS and picked me up a 3 piece chicken plank meal with hush puppies.

That’s love for you!

And I agree, they should sell the extra crispy bits all by themselves.

Mmmm. Me want chicken planks now!

Christie said
January 13, 2009 at 10:01 am

I’m thinking it’s a good thing that my town doesn’t have a Long John Silver’s. Almost thou persuadest me to sample the chicken planks. I’m having a heckuva time losing any weight lately, and I’m sure chicken planks wouldn’t help. Sigh.

Kim said
January 13, 2009 at 12:29 pm

I’m a new reader to your group, and normally quite the lurker, but OH HOLY NIGHT…man, but I love me the chicken planks. I haven’t lived in a town with an LJS in nearly 20 years, but for some reason, we get a lot of their commercials, and I’m pretty sure I continue to gain weight just from heavy-duty lusting during the commercials. I have no doubt that there is quite the buildup of gunk in my arteries from growing up eating there at least once a week, and always begging mom to ask for “extra crumbs” (also known as extra chunks of fried battered fat). Ohhhhhh…..

runjess said
January 13, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Every time I’m thankful that I don’t like fried food very much, I’m reminded of my awful sweettooth. My happy place is all cookie dough.

Anonymous said
January 13, 2009 at 5:38 pm

I never had chicken planks at LJS until last summer. Alex said his kids just eat the little crispy things that fall off the planks – flour, batter, whatever it is. They’re good. Marty

Nicole said
January 13, 2009 at 8:08 pm

I watched Takeru Kobayashi take on a bear in a hot dog eating contest. The bear won but Takeru sure has some heart.

Lady Downsize said
January 14, 2009 at 10:42 am

By the time I get to where I need the visualization I’m too agitated, much like a pressure cooker about to expolde, to have enough patience to see anything but firey anger. Other than that, stress and I do fine – really.

Quix said
January 14, 2009 at 11:15 am

In my happy place there would be calorie free french fries, mozzerella cheese sticks with ranch, potato chips and dip, and peppermint milkshakes.

Totally not helping the fact I’m starving and not quite heading out to lunch yet….

Stems said
January 14, 2009 at 3:18 pm

My happy place includes bacon, good coffee, buttermilk waffles, smoked ham (no glaze – meat should not be sweet!), peach smoothies, LJS fried things (except, strangely, their fries), and buttercream frosting.

AJ said
January 21, 2009 at 2:53 pm

OMG I loooooooove Chicken planks. And the little crumblys they give you in the box with them. I always asked for extra of those. And I love that you can get them a la carte. “4 chicken planks with extra crumblys please!”

That said, I am alergic to shellfish and once I heard that they fry everything together (shrimp, fish, chicken) I had to say goodbye to the chicken plank. 🙁

How I miss the chiken plank…

Thanks for the memories… 🙂

Charlie said
January 21, 2009 at 10:07 pm

Ah, sorry about the allergies AJ!