How ‘Bout a Joke?

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day, everybody! Are you wearin’ your green today? Yeah, me neither. I always forget. And even on those occasions when I do remember, I find I don’t actually have many (if any) green clothes anyway. But you know what sounds good right now? Green beer. I suggest everyone get up, grab a cold one, and come on back. I’ll wait.

Are you back already? That was fast! I should send you out for beer more often. In the meantime, here’s a little Irish joke I ran across recently.

Three men are sitting in a pub. The first man says, “Aye, this is a nice pub, but where I come from, there’s a better one. At MacDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and then MacDougal himself buys you your third drink!”

The second man nods, then adds, “That does sound like a nice pub, but where I come from, there’s a better one called Quinn’s. At Quinn’s, you buy a drink, then Quinn buys you a drink. You buy another drink, then Quinn buys you yet another drink!”

The third man puts in, “Those are all well and good, but I’ve a better! Where I come from, there’s this place called Murphy’s. At Murphy’s, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then they take you in back for a little roll in the hay, if you know what I mean!”

“Blimey!” the first two men shout in disbelief. “That sounds fantastic! Did that really happen to you?”

“No,” replies the third man. “But it happened to my sister!”

All right everyone, got a good joke? There’s a rectangle just below where you can type it in and share it with the world. If you don’t have a good joke handy, just consult the Google and I’m sure you’ll find something in short order.

12 Responses to “How ‘Bout a Joke?”

Lesley said
March 17, 2009 at 5:29 am

Yeah, I’m not wearing green today. I forget and then remembered and then didn’t care enough to figure out something else to wear, ha.

Hope your day is great! : )

Tom Rooney said
March 17, 2009 at 5:41 am

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, “SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!”

tuscanystone said
March 17, 2009 at 6:08 am


It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).

The average man’s penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.


Rachael M said
March 17, 2009 at 6:12 am

Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total”, says the Genie.

The Scottish guy says, “I am a fisherman, my Dad’s a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity.” So, with a blink of the Genie’s eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish.

The Englishman was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity.” Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.

The Irishman asks, “I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.” The Genie explains, “well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out.”

The Irishman says, “Fill it up with water.”

Tony said
March 17, 2009 at 7:41 am

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed
into a cemetery early this afternoon in Ireland.
Irish search and rescue workers have
recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that
number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Jennifer said
March 17, 2009 at 10:31 am

Tony, I had to read that joke twice!

That was a good one!!

Pubsgal said
March 17, 2009 at 10:40 am

Happy St. Patty’s Day! Each year I have to explain the prevalence of green on St. Patrick’s Day, because my little heathens think of the *pink* sea star residing in Bikini Bottom when they hear the name “Patrick.” 😉

I’ll share my favorite Irish blessing:

May those who love us, love us.
And those who don’t love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And, if He cannot turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles
That we may know them by their limping.

Biz said
March 17, 2009 at 10:58 am

Ha, that’s a good one Tony!!

Kyddryn said
March 17, 2009 at 12:28 pm

One of my tattoos has a bit of green in it – does that count?

I don’t know any really good jokes…I’m lame. Still, below are my two favorites.

1. What did the snail say while on the turtle’s back? Wheeeeee!

2. A skeleton walks into a bar, orders a beer and a mop.

Think about that last one…

Shade and Sweetwater,
K (the so very un-funny)

Ruth said
March 17, 2009 at 12:30 pm

What is an Irish 7-course meal?

A potato and a six-pack.

Kyddryn said
March 17, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Oh, wait, I remembered one!! SOrt of…

Finnegan is in the habit of going to the pub with his two brothers every night for a pint. When his brothers are called away on business, Finnegan goes to the pub and orders three pints anyway, toasting his absent brothers

One day, Finnegan only orders two pints. The other patrons are stunned to silence, doff their caps, and pay their respects in a moment of silence.

The publican offers his condolences on Finnegan’s loss.

“What loss?” Finnegan wants to know

“Well, I see you only ordered two pints…I figgered somethin’ happened to one o’ yer brothers…”

“Oh, nah, they’re fine…Seamus quit drinkin’…”


I now realize why there’s no future in comedy for me…I suck at telling jokes.

Shade and Sweetwater,

Quix said
March 17, 2009 at 2:38 pm

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O’Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, “O’Brian, come ‘ere. I ‘ave a request for ye.” Shawn walked to his friend’s bedside and kneels.

“Shawny ole boy, we’ve been friends all our lives, and now I’m leaving ‘ere. I ‘ave one last request fir ye to do.”

O’Brian burst into tears, “Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It’s done.”

“Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I’ll be able to enjoy it for all eternity.”

O’Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend’s request, he asked, “Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?”

Happy St. Paddy’s Day!