New Diet Tips

I’ve got some new diet tips for you today. And by that I don’t mean “diet tips that are brand new,” but instead, “tips for starting a new diet.” If you’re like me, and you probably are given the subject matter of this blog, you’ve had more than a few days in your past that you’ve labeled “Day One.” Each time out you say, “This time will be different! This time I won’t make the same mistakes as before. This time my diet will last more than eight hours.” And what happens? Well, you know the routine by now as well as I do.

So here are some tips to help you kick off your next diet.

  1. On the night before your new diet starts, don’t spend it “clearing out the pantry,” as I like to call it. How many times, before starting a low carb plan, did I think it was a good idea to eat every last chip and cracker? Not recommended.
  2. Set realistic goals for yourself. One major cause for diet failure is trying to lose too much weight too quickly. I recommend shooting for ten pounds a day. Maybe fifteen tops, but no more than that. Besides, what fun is it if you finish your diet in less than a week? Diets should be long, drawn-out, painful affairs.
  3. Start a blog. Nothing will help you stay on track in the coming weeks like public humiliation the support of your adoring fans.
  4. Stock up on Acai berries. Or better yet, plant your own Acai berry forest. This won’t help you lose weight, but you can make a LOT of money by running banner ads and selling free trials of your product for $179.95. That will take the edge off a bit.
  5. Enjoy one last beer. Because it might be upwards of two or three days before your next one.

Good luck!

9 Responses to “New Diet Tips”

BigFatPie said
May 7, 2009 at 3:22 am


Tom Rooney said
May 7, 2009 at 7:07 am

Is planning day considered day one? Sometimes you just have to plan everything out to make sure you have it just right before starting. These days can cover April through June if you do it right.

Biz said
May 7, 2009 at 11:12 am

Love Tom’s reply!

I am happily on day 37 – my goal for April was doing Jillian’s shred, my goal for May is minimum of 30 minutes of exercise in order to get my sticker on my calendar.

Yes, I know its like kindergarten, but I want that damn sticker!

Jenn@slim-shoppin said
May 7, 2009 at 1:24 pm

But what if I want to lose 10 pounds a day, that would be great!!

Joanie said
May 7, 2009 at 10:37 pm

My book arrived today! Thanks a bunch!!!

    Charlie said
    May 7, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    Yay. I hope you (and all the giveaway winners) enjoy it.

Apurva said
May 8, 2009 at 6:30 am

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    Charlie said
    May 8, 2009 at 8:29 am

    Gasp! You mean my diet tips aren’t genuine?


Tuscanystone said
May 11, 2009 at 7:35 pm

LOL! Acai forest!! LOL!!

Too funny 😀