Moving

move
/moov/
noun
1. a change of place, position, or state. e.g., The move will take place tomorrow.

ger·und
/’jer·ənd/
noun
2. a form that is derived from a verb but that functions as a noun; in English, forms ending in –ing. e.g., the word thinking in What were you thinking?

moving
/moov-ING/
noun
1. the act of changing of place, position, or state. e.g., What were you thinking when you decided on moving?

About three hundred and sixty eight hours, eighteen minutes, and fourteen man-seconds ago, we decided it was time to move out of the old house and into a new house. Not that I’m counting. Worse, by my current estimates, we are probably less than nineteen percent done with the entire process.

Our current house is fine. Our current neighborhood is pleasant. There’s nothing here we’re trying to correct other than 1) shorten my commute and 2) see if I can’t get all the way up to three jillion dollars in debt.

I debated a great deal about whether I wanted to talk about it here or not. Mostly because there are no real upsides in doing so, while there are plenty of downsides.

Downsides? Like what? Well, at any given time this project will be in one of two states: Good or Bad.

If it’s going good, then for human interest purposes, I’ll still find some cloud in the silver lining. I’ll mindlessly ramble on here, humblebragging my woes along the lines of, “OH! WHAT A DAY! First, I had to go shopping for all new furniture. THEN the artwork we commissioned came back mounted in the WRONG FRAMES. After that, we found out our gold-plated toilets are going to be THREE DAYS LATE. #FML” Voluntarily moving from an old house to a new house just to save a few minutes’ driving each day doesn’t even count as a first world problem. It’s a zeroth world problem. I simply loathe the idea of talking about it in public to any extent whatsoever.

Then, if it’s going bad — like something that genuinely upsets me — I’ll babble on about how the old house still hasn’t sold and we have to close on the new house tomorrow and we still haven’t paid off that fifth mortgage. And even then, it’s STILL going to sound like humblebragging. Hence: I simply loathe the idea of talking about it in public to any extent whatsoever.

So I’d pretty much made up my mind to just keep the entire affair quiet, when I realized that no matter what anyone else thinks, good or bad, this is a big deal in my own little world, plus (and I cannot stress this reason enough) I’m essentially all out of ideas on what to write about on this blog.

So brace yourself for a few house updates.

I’ll spare you from all the nitty gritty details, but I will say that we are having a new house built. It’s not a custom home. It’s one of the eight cookie-cutter shapes offered by the builder in the neighborhood that ended up being closest to work. But we do get to pick out any flooring we want and any cabinets we want and many, many other options (that fit in our budget) in a scene reminiscent of this:

Oh, sure, you can pick stuff from the other parts of the shelf. You brought your checkbook, right?

Next Week’s episode: Another post!