Last Minute Shopping

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all over town
Not a creature was stirring, except for this clown.
“Time to start shopping,” I said with some shame.
Why, year after year, is it always the same?

“Next year!” I swore, about one year ago.
“Christmas Eve will not find me with nothing to show.”
“By early October, I’m sure I’ll be done…”
“I’ll spend Christmas Eve with food and with fun.”

But no! Once again, I found no such luck.
And so, once again, it’s late and I’m stuck.
Now what can I buy for my family tonight
To make morning faces fill up with delight?

I drove to the mall. Too late: it is closed!
A quick check of my watch now tells me I’m hosed.
I hop back in my car and then drive down the street.
I look for bright lights, on the edge of my seat.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a well-lit gas station with a lonely cashier.
I parked in an instant and flung open the door,
And looked ’round with glee at the sight of this store.

It’s Corn Nuts for Rachel, Pink Sno Balls for Sarah!
My lovely wife Laura gets this cheap tube of mascara!
Slim Jims and Tic Tacs, Car Fresh’ners of pine.
Yes, all of these things, they WILL do just fine!

But on my way home I look down at my stash.
This bag full of junk is nothing but trash.
I feel kind of bad with this awful collection.
But it isn’t my fault: that store’s crappy selection!

I wake the next morning and brace for the worst,
Completely forgetting my family’s well-versed
With my shopping behavior. So how could I foresee
That THEIR gift to me’d be a half-empty Slurpee?!

12 Responses to “Last Minute Shopping”

Deb said
December 19, 2011 at 9:33 am

What a fun post (but what! no illustrations? sssssssssss….)

Happiest Holidays Charlie to you and yours – hope all your holiday pickins’ are slim (in that totally GOOD way).

    Charlie said
    December 19, 2011 at 10:02 am

    I wanted to, I really did. 🙁

Biz said
December 19, 2011 at 9:40 am

I love it! For all of Charlie’s readers, on more than one Christmas Eve I’ve spent the early morning hours helping him wrap his Christmas presents!

Love, your prettier sister, Biz

Charlie's Mom said
December 19, 2011 at 9:56 am

And from Charlie’s mom… I do believe he inherited his father’s last-minute shopping gene. It drove me nuts EVERY year. He too often spent the wee hours of Christmas Eve in the basement, wrapping his gifts. His sign – Gift Wrap Dept. – is still there.

Jenn@slim-shoppin said
December 19, 2011 at 12:41 pm

I also am a last minute shopper, but then I think that’s a good thing – because if I started shopping early and was done early, then I’d think I should still get a few more things, and the next thing you know I would have spent 2x as much money.

If you procrastinate, you can’t overspend!

    Charlie said
    December 19, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    I like the way you think.

d-huyler said
December 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm

I, for one, am disappointed that there is no images to go with the wonderful poem/song/whatevah.

Kristen said
January 1, 2012 at 9:09 pm

My dad isn’t a last minue shopper but he’s a last minute wrapper. It wouldn’t be Christmas at our house without presents wrapped up in plastic bags and taped shut or still in their USPS boxes (he does a lot of catalog shoping). This gene skipped me but seems to have lodged itself in my husband somehow instead. ‘Course mom has always said I married a clone of my father. 😉

    Charlie said
    January 2, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Actually, last-minute wrapping was my thing too. A few years ago I vowed to not wrap anything on Christmas Eve ever again and I’ve miraculously stuck to it. December 23? Sure. December 24? Never again. 🙂

Julie said
January 2, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Hey Charlie. I know it’s been forever since I visited so have plenty to read. Stopped by both your sisters tonight so had to come here too.
Hope you had a great Christmas and a blessed new year.
Take care Charlie.
P.S. New blog, same me but less of me.

    Charlie said
    January 2, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Say, I’m getting a ‘not found’ error when clicking your blog. Not sure which part of healthywealthwisenotbutlearning is wrong. Correction?

      Charlie said
      January 2, 2012 at 10:03 pm

      Never mind. Found (and fixed!)