In the movie Flatliners, a group of medical students headed up by Jack Bauer, decide classes are too boring to sit through alive. To achieve a new level of Zen, they decide it would be fun to kill themselves, one at a time, just to see what death is like. (I could have told them that. Just go see the movie Flatliners.) The basic procedure went something like this: The volunteer kills himself with some sort of injection, if I recall correctly. After being dead about a minute, the others defibrillate the hell out of him (or her), at which point the subject talks about what it was like to know someone who knows someone who knows Kevin Bacon.

What a great analogy for the last three weeks of my diet. Here’s an illustration:

That’s me standing over my diet. I’m in need of a dietary defibrillator at the moment. In this analogy, Julia Roberts represents Julia Roberts. (It’s a Zen thing.)

The movie itself is named after the term “flatlining” which refers to that beepy machine that measures your heartbeat with a bouncy green dot. (I believe the technical term is, indeed, beepy machine.) When the green dot moves in a straight line, and the beep turns to a boooooooooooop, you’ve flatlined. At that point, if you can’t be refibrillated, you’re about to join either Sam Wheat or Willy Lopez. (Am I allowed to mix movie metaphors?)

Here’s the closest thing to a dietary flatline:

I’ve overlaid last week’s weights with the previous two weeks’ weights. No severe upticks is good. But I’m stuck, which is bad.

Day 245
Starting Weight 224.0
Current Weight 199.0
Change from Last Week +0.0 (again!)
Lost So Far 25.0
Pounds To Go 10.0

There’s no mystery surrounding this. My average caloric intake has crept back up. I’m not overeating, which is good. But most days are coming in right at that “BMR” value, something obviously supported by this evidence. To get myself going again, I have three choices: cut back on the calories, exercise more, or start ordering cases of Acai berries. What would Jack Bauer do?

12 Responses to “Flatlined”

maggieapril said
March 30, 2009 at 4:02 am

This amused the heck out of me…

Michelle said
March 30, 2009 at 4:13 am

Jack Bauer would say “Get it done”. Thanks for the amusing read this morning and motivation as well.

Biz said
March 30, 2009 at 5:45 am

I think you should try the Acai berries and get back to us on that!

Quix said
March 30, 2009 at 9:44 am

I love that movie. And sadly, I’m flatlining too, I think. I always vote exercise, because it’s more fun than eating less, at least IMO. 🙂

lee (getting fit) said
March 30, 2009 at 9:46 am

Shouldn’t the question be “What would Rachel Ray do?”

Jennifer said
March 30, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Maybe all three??

At least its not going up, so you’ve got that goin’ for you!!

Lindsey (fiteats) said
March 30, 2009 at 12:10 pm

That analogy is hilarious! I love your blog! If I were you I’d do a little of both. 🙂

Anne (Happy Fun Pants) said
March 30, 2009 at 3:21 pm

Sorry. I can’t comment intelligently on your post…too busy trying to get “Unchained Melody” out of my head and clumps of clay out of my jeans.

Sadly, Sam Wheat didn’t bring back the “Ghost” reference (for some reason, I pictured Sam from Quantum Leap)…but Willy Lopez did. Wow. I don’t even know how to feel about that.

Although in my defense, everyone knows that Sam from Quantum Leap is way hotter.

julie said
March 30, 2009 at 10:43 pm

It’s not at all unusual for me to flatline for weeks. I’ve gotten used to it. After about two weeks, I take a look at my eating, which as often as not, is the problem. But sometimes it’s not, and then I just keep on keeping on, possibly with a day or two of a bit more exercise. It helps that my scale is of the ancient kind where I can’t tell 164 from 166 (my current plateau).

Back to the Fridge » World Cheese Tour, Part 2 said
March 31, 2009 at 12:01 am

[…] show up in the house and I’m positive their presence had something to do with the recent flatlining. The good news is they’re gone. The bad news is, they can show up again at any time. I am […]

Tuscanystone said
March 31, 2009 at 6:52 am

God, I’m flatlining too – must be the clocks going forward and losing an hours sleep, or something? And conincidentally, I’ve lost 25lbs too!

Perhaps our bodies just need a break?

I’m taking a week off. Eat and drink what I fancy. Shock the body or something. Yeah, perhaps some kind of electrical impliment…….

Tusc 😀

MamaBearJune said
March 31, 2009 at 3:23 pm

Ok, this was much too funny to be able to think coherently enough to give good advice. ROFLMAO

(take a few breaths to calm down)

Up your exercise and add some healthy MUFAs to your diet. Dark chocolate and nuts are my first choices. 😉 They help BURN belly fat.