Attempt 106, Week 2

It has been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. You may have heard that Einstein said that. Or Mark Twain. Or even Benjamin Franklin. Well, it wasn’t any of them. It was me. Because I can’t think of anyone else offhand who’s lived by those words quite like I have.

For one hundred and five times now, I’ve played out this particular cycle:

  • Get fed up
  • Get fired up
  • Get movin’
  • Get skinny
  • Get complacent
  • Get hungry
  • Get it all back
  • Get fed up

I blame the shampoo manufacturers for indoctrinating me with the lather-rinse-repeat infinite loop.

Now if we look more closely at the fourth bullet, we find a highly repeated pattern there as well. It goes something like this: diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, diet, crash. During the diet phase, I always lose ten, twenty, or maybe even sixty pounds. And it works because I’m all fired up and I don’t let things like pasta drenched in olive oil get the best of me. Unfortunately, you know how it eventually ends.

There’s gotta be a better way. (There isn’t, but let’s just set that sticky point aside for now.)

The Latest Attempt

I got back from vacation all fired up. And in the first week I dropped six pounds. What’s my secret? No secret. I just didn’t eat as much. Why don’t I just do that all the time? Well, if I had the answer to that, I would bottle it, sell it, and then eventually the entire global cookie industry would fall to its knees.

But what if I didn’t do that? I mean, on purpose. What if I didn’t just not eat every single day of the diet until the inevitable crash. This is the convoluted thought that struck me one week ago. In short: what if just this once, I tried something different: one week on, one week off.

And that’s just what I did. One week on, one week off. How did it go? I’m glad you asked.

The Graph

Before getting to the first graph of Attempt 106, I need to explain the graph. In particular, the background images used.

At the top of the graph you find fire. This level covers weights between 220 and 230 and represents the burning I feel in my heart for pasta drenched in olive oil:

Level: fire

Next up are the storm clouds. This level covers weights between 200 and 220 and reminds me of the movie Twister because of how turbulent this part of the diet is, and also of flying cows.

Level: clouds

As I drop into Onederland, we see the rising dawn background. This level covers weights between 195 and 200 and represents that twilight period between just being in Onederland and really being there. Because, let’s face it, when a single encounter with oil-drenched pasta can make you gain four pounds in two hours, a number like 197 doesn’t solidly feel like Onederland.

Level: twilight

It’s not until we’re solidly in Onederland does the graph background image turn into a Corona commercial. This represents weights from 185 to 195.

Level: beach

Those are the main categories. However, I have two more special categories. For those truly awful times (like now) where the weight goes above 230, I have the Windows Blue Screen of Death graphic:

Level: blue screen of death

And on the absolutely unthinkable possibility of going below 185, I have the equally fantastic image of Robocop riding a Unicorn:

Level: Robocop

So, with the key defined, let’s look at the first graph—the first two weeks of Attempt 106.

Graph: Attempt 106, Week 2

Week Two
Starting Weight 233.0
Current Weight 227.8
Change from Last Time -5.2
Lost So Far 5.2
Pounds To Go 28.8

That actually looks just like I planned it. The bump at the end was a bit higher than I wanted, but for the most part, that’s it. I had a great week of moving forward followed by a week of (more or less) regular eating. (And I do want to emphasize that part: the “week off” plan doesn’t mean “free for all.” I’m not out to create a saw-tooth graph. I’m shooting for a stair-step pattern.)

It may take twice as long, but the way I look at it, that just means double the success in the end. I’m really looking forward to the big Onederland party. Robocop has already said he’ll be bringing the pasta.

8 Responses to “Attempt 106, Week 2”

Michelle said
July 25, 2011 at 5:08 am

Love the backgrounds, especially Robo-Cop on the unicorn. Now I need to find that movie and watch it again! 🙂

Thanks for making me smile this morning!!

TexasDeb said
July 25, 2011 at 10:04 am

Sounds like you are trying the Windshield Wiper Diet… now it’s working, now it’s not….

Greatest of luck with that (sincerely) and if it works for you then I might engage in the sincerest form of flattery (copying you I mean) unless I get even closer to my Robocop/Unicorn status here in which case I’ll just stick to what got me this far…

Flexible, sure, I can be flexible….

    Charlie said
    July 26, 2011 at 9:01 am

    I like that name. Windshield Wiper Diet. If this catches on and I make millions, I’ll be sure to send you $10 for the idea. 🙂

Biz said
July 25, 2011 at 11:20 am

Loved this post Charlie!! Especially Robocop on the unicorn!

I gained 1.0 last week – high heat = no exercise = more wine = +1.0.

And now I am waiting for my blood sugar to rise enough so I can walk outside – stupid diabetes!

Love, your prettier sister, Biz

Biz said
July 25, 2011 at 11:20 am

Hey, I just saw I am your 13,000 commenter – do I win a prize??

    Charlie said
    July 26, 2011 at 8:54 am

    Oddly enough, before this post, my number of approved comments was exactly 3900. And the difference, of course, between 3900 and 13000 comments is spammers. Thank you, kind people, for wasting all that time, energy, and resources on nothing.

    I’m definitely in the wrong business if all it takes to make millions is writing robots that post gems like these:

    • Hey your good article, ive looked for the answer long time.
    • Is your site listed at the top of searches? Send us $100 and we’ll make sure you’re #1. Never mind the fact that we’ve promised every business they’ll be in the top spot!
      Charlie said
      July 30, 2011 at 1:46 pm

      Here’s one I just deleted:

      “As I website owner I conceive the content material here is real wonderful, thankyou for your efforts.”

Personal Trainer Glendale said
August 15, 2011 at 11:19 pm

I love the illustrations here, they really help the visual reader. Keep it up!!