The Regular Diet

This is the first of three reviews of popular diets.

Most of us grew up with this diet. It invariably takes the shape of some regular geometric object and recommends you eat some foods more than others. The proportions change in response to food industry lobbying, so it’s hard to tell what’s good for you at any given moment.

The government spends millions of dollars attempting to educate us on the meaning of the various shapes and colors. They understand the importance of everyone learning the Regular Diet. They send posters to schools, which are prominently displayed next to the soda and snack machines. Every child thus learns the importance of good nutrition whilst grabbing eighty-seven grabs of excess fats and carbohydrates from Vend-O-Land. Adults learn about the Regular Diet from food packages. Bread packages tell you how important grain is. Dairy packages stress the importance of udder products.

In the end, what the Regular Diet usually represents is depravity and suffering. Cut out the stuff you most like to eat, and by golly, you’re gonna lose the weight. How can you fail?

Next review: The Fad Diet