Post ImageWay back in my own early days of e-mail, now nigh on two decades ago, I remember receiving an unsolicited, obviously bulk-sent, electronic mail message. I have no idea what it was for but I do know it just made me mad. “How unfair!” I thought. “Someone . . . anyone . . . can simply take my email address and send me as much crap as they feel like and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Except in those days we actually believed there was something we could do about. We were so young and naive: “We’ll just track that guy down and have his ISP shut off his account. Ha ha! That’ll teach ’em. They’ll never send spam again!”

Well, two decades and eighteen quadrillion spam messages later, I don’t think the ISPs shut down those email accounts like we asked. It’s just a fact of life: spammers will continue to spam and our spam filters will continue to send it right into the trash. How efficient.

What bugged me first about it was indeed the invasion of privacy. What bugs me now about it is I find it embarrassing. Embarrassing, that is, for our species. If some advanced alien civilization looked down upon us, searching for any signs of intelligence, I sure as heck hope it doesn’t see this:

I don’t know about you, but to me, that’s humanity’s intellect at its finest. How’s that for someone trying to entice me (or my blog readers) to visit his web site? I’m sold! Or how about this one:

Four comments, right in a row, posted to the exact same blog post. Riveting. It’s pretty obvious what they’re selling, isn’t it? Oh, you mean you can’t tell from that gripping sales pitch? Here’s a hint: they’re small, blue, and for some insane reason, can be covered by insurance.

My next favorite breed of spam is the one with two completely different directions. How does this make sense, again?

This next one actually is a pretty good technique. The body of the spam is a compliment. Its sole purpose is to make you feel so happy that someone posted a comment that you’ll click on the link to see who it was. Then you’re left scratching your head at why Bad Credit No Problem is so enamored with your daily ramblings.

Lastly in the “Thanks, I think” category are comments like this:

And I blame you for this wonderful post. Please visit my site again soon. It just wouldn’t be the same without you, Mr. Spammy Robot.

9 Responses to “Spam”

Kelly said
January 14, 2010 at 2:52 am

“Blame you…” Classic!!

I recently did a similar post! I am grateful for my spam busting plugins!!

tuscanystone said
January 14, 2010 at 6:53 am

lol do you reckon they advertise for spam journalists when employing new people to write such junk? :/

Tusc 🙂

Helen said
January 14, 2010 at 8:17 am

Here’s the one I got this morning. Please to enjoy:

You Email id just won £ 950,000.00 (Nine Hundred And Fifty Thousand Pounds ) Microsoft and AOL Sweepstakes with Serial No. MIC-AOL/8303/09 and lucky no. 05-16-39-38-53-46 (23) as Draw number one was conducted in Liverpool, UK on the 10th January 2010.Note: You have Two (2) weeks from the date of this publication to claim your prize or you may forfeit your winnings.

Contact Mr.Desmond Harry
Tel:+44 701 112 0583

1.Full Names. 2.Home Address.
3.Age. 4.Sex. 5.Occupation.
6.Phone Number. 7.Nationality.

©2009 Microsoft Corporation Member Services
Sweepstakes International Program.

    Charlie said
    January 14, 2010 at 9:54 am

    Ahhh . . . the classics never get old.

    But you’d better hurry! Don’t want to forfeit that prize! Microsoft and AOL have nothing better to do with their money than give it away for no reason whatsoever.

Natalia Burleson said
January 14, 2010 at 8:23 am

I get tons of those too.

TexasDeb said
January 14, 2010 at 8:48 am

We are all Mac all the time around here so we have a much shorter stack of Spam cans than your run of the mill PC conglomeration will garner. Not bragging there, it had nothing to do with me or my smarts, it is just a fact.

Though I do still “win” something nearly every 2-3 days.

It perplexes me. Does that ever really work? Does anybody ever fall for the idea they’ve won a huge sum of money in a contest they never heard of where they were “chosen” and yet still have to supply all their pertinent information including their full name?


    Charlie said
    January 14, 2010 at 9:55 am

    Yes, really. If it didn’t work, they wouldn’t still be doing it. (Isn’t conning the world’s third oldest profession or something like that?)

Charlie said
January 14, 2010 at 4:09 pm

This just in:

“smuggling weapons. And I was holding one of them in my hands. I looked at it more costco pharmacy.”

Sounds like a good intro to a bad novel.

Quix said
January 14, 2010 at 4:43 pm

I haven’t been getting very good spam lately on the blog, I’m jealous! I hate the ones that are ALMOST legit and it takes a while to figure out that it’s not a real site.

I actually rarely get email spam anymore that doesn’t get filtered. After 10 years with the same yahoo address it seems to filter the bad stuff out pretty well.