Movie Review: Wolverine

About a week an a half ago I saw X-Men: Origins: Wolverine. For this review, I’ll assume you know nothing about X-Men, Origins, or Wolverine. That should put everyone on equal footing.

I’ll have to say the most memorable part of the movie was after I dropped off Rachel and Laura at the box office and parked the car. We had an unusually heavy rain hit us that Saturday afternoon. It also brought with it healthy doses of lightning and thunderboomers. As I stepped out of the car at the far end of the lot—CRAAAAACK-BAMMM—I looked up just in time to see a huge shower of sparks falling from the corner traffic light and a nice, accompanying puff of smoke drift over my head. “Hmmm,” I thought. “Well there’s something you don’t see every day.”

I headed up to the box office, waving my arms over my head to ward off any further lightning strikes, only to find the place completely dark. I found it ironic that only minutes before I worried about missing the trailers (something I hate to miss). Now my worst fears were realized: I was going to miss the trailers.

Time for Plan B: the mall theater. But first a quick stop home where the dog was most certainly digging through the kitchen tile in an effort to save herself from certain meteorological doom. She was, as expected, very happy to see us. I could tell by the 200 BPM heart rate and panting as if she’d just spent thirty minutes under water. Fortunately, the storm had blown through as quickly as it showed up, the dog was fine, and we headed out to a later show.

We arrived at the mall theater which was fortunately running at one hundred percent power. We bought our tickets and then I was faced with the ultimate dieter’s question: to popcorn or not to popcorn? I’ll tell you one thing, after a lightning bolt strikes seventy five feet from your middle-aged head, you order the damn popcorn.

Aside from functional electricity, the mall theater also has one other distinct advantage over the other theater: user-operated butter dispensers. If they sold these things at Lowe’s, I’d install one in my kitchen in a heartbeat. Imagine! Real hot buttered popcorn right in your very own home. Or a nice big bowl of hot buttered Cheez-Its. Or for breakfast, maybe some hot buttered Cap’n Crunch. Man, that’d be awesome.

Anyway, tune in sometime in the next month or two when I’ll review Pixar’s latest movie, Up.

What? Oh yeah, Wolverine. I almost forgot. It was good. Never mind the negative press, go see it. It had good guys, bad guys, and explosions. And that’s good enough for me.

10 Responses to “Movie Review: Wolverine”

Kelly said
June 3, 2009 at 2:04 am

Mmm…hot buttered pop-tarts?? Hot buttered anything sounds pretty darn good. Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t have a dispenser of my own.

We never do popcorn at the theater…it’s weird, we walk by. Although, considering the circumstances, I would have opted for (seriously buttered)popcorn…or malted milk balls. A real weakness, which is odd because they aren’t that good!

Tom Rooney said
June 3, 2009 at 8:02 am

I’d have to say that a close call to the end of your life always calls for movie theater buttered popcorn. I think it’s under the miscellaneous section in the rule book of diets.

Quix said
June 3, 2009 at 11:22 am

Didn’t see Wolverine, waiting to Netflix it. But I LOVED Up! And now I just have Ultimate Showdown in my head (good guys, bad guys, and explosions, as far as the eye can see…)

I don’t usually do food at the movies, unless it’s the Alamo, where I’ll usually have to get *something* (yay for hummus and pita chips/veggies for something healthy).

    Charlie said
    June 3, 2009 at 2:53 pm

    Re: “And now I just have Ultimate Showdown in my head”?

    Mission accomplished.

Sagan said
June 3, 2009 at 12:42 pm

I felt the same way about it: good guys, bad guys, and explosions; how can you go wrong?

I wish my movie theater had a user-operated butter dispenser!!

    Pubsgal said
    June 3, 2009 at 2:38 pm

    Not to mention hot buttered popcorn! Nom nom nom!

    You know, for a panned movie, a lot of people I know sure did like it.

      Charlie said
      June 3, 2009 at 2:54 pm

      I know a couple people who thought the plot was bad and the effects weak. I must have been sitting in a different position or something, because I really liked it.

Biz said
June 3, 2009 at 4:28 pm


I could eat a 12 course meal and if I smell popcorn, I’d still want it!

I can only assume that you loved UP!

    Charlie said
    June 3, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    Haven’t seen it yet. 🙂

Jason said
October 19, 2009 at 12:04 pm

This review has convinced me to see the movie.