Let’s Dance

Post ImageWhile I don’t watch television very much, I’m nonetheless quite aware of two dance-related “reality” shows. Oddly enough, they’d be just the kind of reality show I might try out for in the universe where I’m twenty-five years younger, in great shape, and, well, you know, actually possess the ability to dance. Which I don’t. My moves make Joey Tribbiani look like Gregory Hines.

The first of these two shows is, as you might expect, Dancing with the Stars. I’ve never watched an entire episode. In fact, I don’t think I’ve watched more than five minutes total, and that includes the time I spent searching youtube for Marie Osmond’s fainting episode. Now I like the basic premise of the show: take one famous person and one regular person, pair them off, and then see which one faints first. Or dances the best. Doesn’t really matter. But while the show is a great idea in concept what really bothers me about it is the fact that I can’t tell who’s the star and who’s the regular person. I think it was the season before last that they had the big, long-awaited reveal. I saw names go by like Jeffrey Ross, Maurice Greene, Lance Bass, Warren Sapp, and I thought exactly how oldamI? Further, why did I feel this sudden and compelling urge to tell those kids outside to get off my lawn? At last, they announced Ted McGinley and I didn’t feel like a complete zero. Of course, with his arrival, it meant Dancing with the Stars was about to jump the shark.

The second dance reality show is So You Think You Can Dance? This is an absolutely wonderful show, of which I’ve now watched upwards of fifteen minutes’ worth. Like other “talent contests”, hopeful contestants, many of whom actually do think they can dance, hop around on stage until the judges tell them to stop. At this point many of them are stunned to find out that they cannot, indeed, dance. Which is unfortunate for them, but good for ratings. As you would expect, a few shining stars turn out and wow can they put on some impressive moves. I couldn’t move like that even if you ran a few thousand volts through me. I’d definitely be in the group of people put before the cameras solely for humiliation purposes. Oh, I can dance in the technical sense: music plays and my limbs flail around in near 4/4 time. If my moves were bowling, I’d be the dance equivalent of setting the ball on the ground between my legs and giving it a shove straight into the gutter. The country would have a good laugh at my expense and I’d only get a ticket to Vegas if that’s where this year’s White and Nerdy convention were being held.

No, I’d need to find a reality show that fits my own particular talents. I’m thinking something more along the lines of So You Think You Can Drink?

5 Responses to “Let’s Dance”

Tami said
November 10, 2009 at 8:19 am

Believe it or not, my husband and I actually purchased Turbo Jam, drawn in by the siren song of “It’s easy and fun!”



I can assure you that if you could not dance BEFORE Turbo Jam, you’d best do your workout in a dark room with no windows.

(Or, thankfully, with an equally uncoordinated husband with a good sense of humor. That works, too.)

tuscanystone said
November 10, 2009 at 9:13 am

My favourite is Dancing on Ice! Do you have that one over there? If you can’t ice skate then dancing on ice isn’t going to be easy. I like these ‘so called’ celebs REALLY ridiculed…mwahaha!

Tusc πŸ™‚

TexasDeb said
November 10, 2009 at 9:53 am

I’d sign up to compete in “So You Think You Can Drink” in a heartbeat. I’d be a contender, too. As somebody “of a certain age” I won’t need an intact liver for countless decades looming ahead so in this case age and experience just might trump youth and whatever else it is they are supposed to have.

My REAL dream show however would be “World’s Biggest Gainer”, the predictable companion show to the Biggest Loser series. I might not win, but honey, I would sure as HELL have fun competing.

Both my kids watch SYTYCD and they eventually sold me on the premise. I have to say, after growing up watching people spin plates on Ed Sullivan, once you get past the watching people humiliate themselves in tryouts part, this show IS entertainment. I fast forward through the shrieky judge part however. If I want to hear older ladies holler I’ll go to a dance recital.

Quix said
November 10, 2009 at 3:48 pm

I actually really like SYTYCD (and long acroymns!). Dancing with the stars bores me. πŸ™‚

I would totally be a contestant on So You Think You Can Drink. As long as it was hard liquor. My liver is strong and capable, I work it out on a weekly basis!

Biz said
November 11, 2009 at 3:41 pm

Tony says I dance worse than Elaine on that one Seinfeld episode – and I agree! πŸ˜€

Charlie, over Christmas I’ll make you my pumpkin pancakes – with the layer of peanut butter in between each one, it’s heaven on a plate!