All You Can Eat

shrimpHere are two more things you should know about me. I’m a picky eater and I hate spending money. This is an absolutely insurmountable combination when it comes to highfalutin fancy food. I simply cannot understand the need to spend fifty dollars on six ounces of food, no matter how colorful the drizzled sauce looks. An hour later I’m going to be hungry again, but fifty bucks poorer.

So with that in mind, you can imagine what the All You Can Eat Buffet means to me. It’s crappy food and it’s cheap: perfect for the miser who dislikes real food.

Well, almost perfect. There’s still that pesky dieting stuff to worry about and these troughs aren’t exactly known for their healthful attributes. If you want a batter-dipped, deep-fat fried Caesar salad, you’ve definitely come to the right place. And never mind the fact that half the food is unidentifiable. People gather around the Sterno-fired entrées, their brows all a-furrowed, pointing with their forks and asking, “What is that?”

My two favorite buffets are Pizza and Chinese. Every once in a while I also enjoy a Regular, but for the most part, it’s the big two. In the past, I was absolutely relentless about “getting my money’s worth” because, after all, unless you eat eight pounds of pepperonly pizza or Kung Pao chicken, you might as well just set your money on fire. Unfortunately “getting my money’s worth” also meant stuffing myself so badly I could barely get back into my car, let alone stay awake for the rest of the day.

But now, older and wiser, I’ve tamed myself a bit. I realize that $7.99 is not buying me my last meal and that it’s perfectly okay to stop after a single plate. So if you find yourself at a buffet tonight, take a page out of my book and watch it. You’ll be happier tomorrow morning.

And if someone points at your favorite pan of food and asks, “What is that?” Just tell them, “I think it’s vinegar-basted goat hooves.” Then you can have it all to yourself.

9 Responses to “All You Can Eat”

Megan said
October 10, 2008 at 5:14 am

Love it! I haven’t been to a buffet in forever!!!! Maybe I need to go to one and try some of those vinegar-basted goat hooves.

Charlie said
October 10, 2008 at 6:25 am

No! Those are mine!

Lori said
October 10, 2008 at 8:23 am

I came here from Megan’s site. She was right your design is awesome! Loved your post. So true about $7.99 not buying your last meal. I’ve calmed down at buffets over the years too. I still love a good pizza one though. I’m all about variety!

madison (follow my weigh) said
October 10, 2008 at 10:32 am

my favorite is all-you-can-eat sushi places! i always leave those places thinking i never want another sushi again. but of course jsut a few days later i’m craving it again!

Cara said
October 10, 2008 at 12:53 pm

I followed the Miz’s advice and I adore the layout here, tres chic.

So, yes, this all you can eat business, we don’t have that here (Ireland), but that doesn’t mean I’m not miserly with food.

I just transferred the contents of my kitchen to my tummy because there were a lot of foodstuffs at their expiry date and I hate hate hate throwing out food, and so it’s entirely not wasteful to throw it down my gullet, no siree.

donna said
October 10, 2008 at 1:52 pm

My last “all you can eat” experience was many years ago on a trip to Vegas … our steak in mushroom sauce tasted odd .. then we realized was actually liver .. eeuu.

Biz said
October 10, 2008 at 2:19 pm

My goodness, I haven’t been to a buffet in years!

The last one we went to was called Todai, all you can eat chinese/sushi – and $25 pp just for lunch!

It was good though!

Inny said
October 11, 2008 at 12:40 pm

I love the Chinese buffets. Haven’t been in one lately, though, because I can’t have just one serving of sweet and sour chicken.

Pubsgal said
October 30, 2008 at 1:54 pm

I like Indian food buffets. I would be hard pressed to know what to order off the menu, but in a buffet it’s all right there in front of me. Yum. Tough to do in moderation, though.