Twenty-Five Things

It’s hard to believe this epic journey of Twenty-Five Odd Facts and Figures You May or May Not Already Know About Me is about to come to a close. Firstly, because I’ve never milked a topic this badly before. (I hope this hasn’t been horribly boring.) Secondly, I actually have about 137 things to share. But rules is rules! So you’re just going to have to live with these final five.

21. I went to the other side of the fence once. The grass really was greener. Shhhhh. Don’t tell anyone. I’ll be our secret.

22. I don’t have any tattoos but I think it would be cool to get one. I have a design all picked out and it would probably go on my ankle. But I hate needles, blood, and pain, so forget it. I’m never, ever going to do it. Just forget it.

23. Speaking of needles, blood, and pain, I donate blood fairly often. I’ve only once gone out of my way to do it, so most of the time I just wait for the big blood drive bus to come to me. I used to get a prize every eight donations, but that stopped a long while ago. I lost exact count, but I’m sure I’ve donated blood around fifty or sixty times. I’d love to say I do this out of a strong obligation to help my fellow man, or that it’s a civic and moral duty every able bodied person should do, but who am I kidding. You get free cookies for it. Is that insane or what? Free frickin’ cookies!

24. I like warm weather and I like cloudy weather. So I believe my perfect town would be a cross between Austin and Seattle. Luckily, that’s what we’ve had here for the last week or so. I know most normal humans love bright, sunny days. They get sad and depressed when the skies cloud over and they long for a few rays of pure sunlight. Not me. I love clouds. The bigger, heavier, and darker the better. Throw in some lightning and man! I’m pumped up. Yes, I realize that big storms are generally bad things, and people get hurt. But the thing is, you don’t choose your feelings and the truth is: storm clouds are the awesome. So why don’t I like bright sunny days? First of all, the Yellow Face shows us up. It hurts us and burns us, it does, my precious. I do think my eyes are a bit over-sensitive to light and frankly it’s impossible to drive when when you’re two hours on either side of a sunrise/sunset on these bright sunny days. But the biggest problem? Blue skies are boring. Give me something to look at, some serious nebulous action, and I’m one happy, storm-lovin’ camper.

25. Most of you know I write and despite the topics of my first three books, I really want to write fiction. Probably a large percentage of my regular readers also know I’m into art and music. (Creating it, that is; not just sitting back and enjoying it, although I do that too.) I grew up believing that people shouldn’t go around “tooting their own horns,” as the saying goes. I think it was my mom that told me, “If your horn is good enough to toot, others will do it for you.” Now that I’m older and stupider than ever, I’ve come to realize that if no one even knows you have a horn, it will never get trumpeted—no matter how good it is.

That’s probably the real reason I’m doing this blog. Sure, my weight has yo-yo’d for the last twenty-plus years. Sure I like to write about it, and make people smile, think, and laugh all the same. I may even help someone along the way, which would be awesome. But beyond the face value of this web site…? Well, frankly, I just think I have something to show the world. I’m not now, and never have been, just “the funny weight loss guy.” And I’m probably not going out on much of a limb by saying none of you want to be remembered solely for losing three pounds last month. It’s such a small, small thing when you think about it, and we put so … much … effort into it. There’s more to life than that, and we all know it.

I’m going to wrap up my twenty-five things by taking the opportunity to remind me AND you to live a little. We only get to go around once: so let’s not waste it all worrying about a cookie or two. I hope each and every one of you has some dream bigger than just being two pants sizes smaller.

Me? I’d like to finish this set of novels I’m working on before I’m ninety years old. I’d like to create a bunch of artwork for it, and even write music to go along with it. It’d be awesome if the whole thing were a bestseller and then someone decided to make a string of movies out of it and I became a brazillionaire and gave every last penny of it to charity. Then, once I got that out of my system, I’d be free to live out the rest of my days, fulfilling my true lifelong dream as a Wal-Mart greeter.

14 Responses to “Twenty-Five Things”

Deborah said
March 11, 2009 at 3:32 am

So, so true. I think we all get so wrapped up in trying to achieve a smaller/healthier size that we lose sight of the big picture and forget to enjoy ourselves along the way. We forget to stop and smell the proverbial rose. (I hate the smell of a rose so I’ll just stop to smell the sweet rockets when they bloom.)

Hope all your dreams come true and you get to see your name in lights someday. You could always go to a neon sign making place and have one made for yourself if you don’t get those books finished :o)

Tami said
March 11, 2009 at 5:30 am

Tattoos aren’t all that bad, actually. You don’t have to watch them work, and it feels like an extended cat scratch than like needles from the dentist or giving blood. Those hurt deep. I was scared of needles too, but by the time I got halfway through my tat, I was more bored than anything. *laughs* Which, y’know, isn’t to say anyone should get a tat if they don’t know for positive certain they want one.

Cloudy weather is awesome. I’ve thought about moving to Oregon just for the mercurial rain/storms/sunshine/ocean/rainforest thing they’ve got going on there.

maggieapril said
March 11, 2009 at 5:47 am

Well, you are an outstanding writer. (Hey, just coming up with a topic 5 days a week impresses me.) But Wal-mart greeter? I am afraid you would just confuse the great unwashed masses.

Helen said
March 11, 2009 at 5:52 am

I agree Charlie — entirely too much living is put off while we’re dieting. I made the decision to deal with that over the last year. I vowed not to squeeze myself into tight clothes (i.e., just go buy the correct size dammit!), not go to the beach (because I look “bad” in a bathing suit), or stop eating dessert (because I don’t want to be perceived as “why is she eating dessert, she certainly doesn’t need it.”). I also did something I’d been putting off for a while – I went and got my tatoo. It’s not really that bad so if you really want one, go get it!

Hallie said
March 11, 2009 at 6:31 am

I want to be a Disney World greeter. Maybe when you become a brazillionaire (do you have to wear a brassiere for that?) you can pay off my mortgage so I can go work for Mickey???


Tuscanystone said
March 11, 2009 at 6:38 am

Ahhh, I enjoyed your 25 things πŸ™‚ Shame it has to end.

Life has to be compromised while on a diet, for sure! I would go stir crazy if I didnt drink for a year, but, if I carry on eating and drinking to the capacity that I do then I’d just get fatter and fatter! So yeah, my social life isn’t as active as it usually is. But you’re right, you shouldnt stop living entirely; the people that say ‘x, y, z will be great when I am slim’ or ‘I will be happy when I am slim’ are deluding themselves. Happiness comes from within. Living is NOW!

Good luck with your writing goals. I think you are very talented.

Tusc πŸ˜€

Biz said
March 11, 2009 at 8:18 am

Great post Charlie! Tony is with you on the storms – while I am in the basement with flashlight in hand while he’s getting in the car to get closer to the storm!

I like bright sunny days thank you!

Amy said
March 11, 2009 at 9:13 am

I would much rather get tattooed (again) than give blood (again), even though I’ve never gotten a cookie at my tattoo artist’s place. BUT – there’s hardly any blood, and not too much pain, and also it releases a lot of endorphins πŸ™‚

Tom Rooney said
March 11, 2009 at 10:07 am

Now Charlie
I come here for the funny and you gave us profound today. I’m not sure that this fits the “Back to the Fridge” genre.

All kidding aside, I applaud your efforts and understand the keep moving message. I’ve read your one book and laughed out loud at times. There’s a great deal of talent in your actions and hope that your dreams come true. I also have peaked in at a great bond with family which is important in so many ways. Your piano playing with your daughter was a great moment. So if you want clouds, cookies and toasted PBJ, you should have it. Thanks for the things I didn’t know about you, it was anything but boring.

Jerry/Mom said
March 11, 2009 at 11:54 am

I like all weather too – hot, cold, cloudy, sunny, snowy, rainy, windy, etc. Even though I know storms can be dangerous — sometimes I’ll stand on my front porch to watch! I’m fascinated with summer storms with lots of lightning and thunder. I wouldn’t like to live where it’s the same all the time. If I was braver, I’d like to be a storm chaser.

Ruth said
March 11, 2009 at 1:07 pm

Many of us do have an unfortunate tendency to pigeon hole ourselves and others.

Ex: Someone saying, “I am an alcoholic”. No, you are a human being that has a problem with alcohol, an imbalance manifesting as an addiction, etc., etc. I’m not a fan of the pigeon hole.

So, of course you’re not just “Charlie the funny guy trying to lose weight”. Nor are you just a “computer guy” or a “guy that has a hard time tooting his own horn” or “a dad”, etc., etc.

I know I’m being unfunny here, in a very funny blog. But, I appreciate your most serious point–you are bigger than your small struggles. I hope you don’t forget it.

Sagan said
March 11, 2009 at 8:27 pm

Did I see the words “free” and “cookies” next to each other?

Not going to lie, I have no idea what this post was about. I’m too caught up on those two words to be able to comprehend anything else.

Jennifer said
March 12, 2009 at 6:44 pm

Why do I not know about the blood donations?? That’s awesome Charlie!

Quix said
March 13, 2009 at 9:35 am

The tattoo thing, I am so the same way. If it didn’t bother me I’d have at least one but I just can’t get over it. It’s not happening. I also just can’t do the donating blood thing either. I barely can get myself for a checkup every couple of years because of the blood drawing stuff.

And life is much better when you don’t take yourself so seriously. Being silly is one of the genuine pleasures of life to be exercised as often as humanly possible.