What the Bleep?

No, I haven’t suddenly started running ads for dubious weight loss products. This unfortunate picture is actually the subject of this post.

When browsing the interwebs, you don’t have to click too many links before you run across this little gem. Every time I see it I think a tiny piece of my soul is sucked out. There is so much wrong here I’m not sure where to begin.

Okay. Let’s start with the obvious. I like shooting fish in a barrel as much as the next fish-shooter, so how ’bout we talk about that model. This is a weight loss patch, right? I don’t think that means it’s designed for people with a BMI of 12. And why stop with the skinny model? Why not run this ad? They both need to lose about the same amount of weight. All they’re doing is preying on the insecurities of persons fixated on the wrong body image. Somebody call Captain Obvious. This is not something I would file under “helpful.”

Next on the Peeve List? A simple question I’d like to ask the makers of this product: are you serious? A patch. You put a patch on and lose weight. What the bleep’s going on here? Well, I’ll tell you. Essentially this patch allows various, magical ingredients to seep into your body. At best, these ingredients only possess loose claims over appetite suppression and metabolic stimulation. It rather looks to me like the company is picking and choosing their “talking points” and ignoring everything else. It’s like saying, “Since chocolate cake is made with milk, you can get all the benefits of milk by eating chocolate cake.” This didn’t work for Bill Cosby. It won’t work for you.

If the fact that it’s obviously targeted at young women with unhealthy body images and it contains no useful ingredients weren’t enough, consider the rest of my bleep list: it’s not approved by the FDA, there are no valid clinical studies supporting the company’s claims, and they provide no real health or weight loss guidelines. Our mothers, once again, have been proven right: if it sounds to good to be true, run the extreme opposite direction.

I’m nearly done beating this dead horse, but before I go, how about we look at the fine print? You and I both have all been around long enough to know that the real humor lies in the fine print. If I may quote from The Pink Patch’s own web site:

For best results use as part of a low-calorie, low fat meal plan & exercise program.

Oh really? Gee, now there’s an eye-opener. Eat a low calorie diet, start exercising, spend fifty bucks a month for a placebo, and you may lose weight.

Where do I sign?

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