Sunday, August 15, 2010: Day One #104.

Sunday, August 22, 2010: Week One Results Are In

Monday, August 23, 2010: Week One Results Are Public

But before we get to the results, let’s take a look at a few graphs. First, I’d like to go back in time to a happier era. This is what my last trip to Onederland looked like:

It began on July 25, 2008 and ran until June 25, 2009. It began at 224 pounds and bottomed out around 195. Nearly thirty pounds gone in less than a year. That sure would have been a great place to add And He Lived Happily Ever After. But unfortunately, the tale wasn’t over. If I take that same graph and add a few months to it, it looks like something not altogether unlike feeding Gremlins after midnight and getting them wet:

Ugh. I don’t like that one. Not one bit.

So, after taking a year off to gain it all back and then some, I finally got back on track last week. I’m mildly happy to report the first seven days’ results:

Started at 233 and ended at 228.5. [Insert Standard Week One Disclaimer:] While four and a half pounds probably seems like a lot to drop in the first week, it isn’t for me. I hardly get excited by numbers like this since I’ve seen them over and over and over again. This is simply what happens when someone my size cuts his daily caloric intake by two-thirds. Take a look at the last two days on the graph: identical weights. In fact, I can already tell you the day after that was also the exact same number. So the honeymoon is definitely over already, and it’s going to get tough again.

But that’s okay. That’s exactly why we got this whole train a-rollin’, right? How about everyone else? Any news to report? Good or bad, we want to hear about it.

So! Now that you’re on board, whatcha gonna do? Just saying you’re ready to get back in shape isn’t enough. We each need a plan for how we’re going to accomplish our goals. Everyone needs to choose her (or his—are there any hisses out there?) weapon before heading into battle.

And, yes, I’m mixing warfare and choo choo train metaphors. Sorry.

My Plan

I woke up Sunday morning just feeling blah as usual. That’s when the Switch finally went off—that point in time where the desire to do something about a problem becomes greater than the desire to continue the self-sabotage. The first thought that sprung to mind was: let’s just clean house first. So I decided to cut out meat and dairy products for at least two weeks. (I tried this approach once before, to moderate levels of success. This just felt like the right to give it another go.)

Of course, “no meat or dairy” isn’t much of a plan in and of itself. For all you know, I’m eating beer and pretzels all day. (Which, now that I think about it, might not actually be a bad diet. Besides, it would sure as hell sell more copies than my last book.) I’ve also cut out diet sodas, Cheez-Its, cookies, Cheez-Its, diet sodas, Cheez-Its and Cheez-Its.

My Menu

Actually, instead of talking about what I don’t eat, let’s look instead at what I am eating. This has been my menu all week. (Yes, I pretty much eat the same thing every day. I know most people can’t do that. It doesn’t bother me at all.)

Meals

• Breakfast: Peanut Butter & Toast
• Lunch: Veggie Burgers
• Dinner: My Homemade Veggie Soup

Snacks

• Blueberries
• Strawberries
• Bananas

Drinks

• V8 Juice
• Mint Tea (lots of this)
• Soy Milk

And that’s it. That’s been my last five days and oddly enough I feel perfectly fine. Although . . . well, I should mention that on Wednesday night, for dessert, I got a little naughty. When I made the big pot of soup on Sunday, I had half a large onion left over. I put it back in the fridge and for some reason I got a real hankerin for it. So I chopped it up, threw it in a pan with two tablespoons of peanut oil, added some spices and a pinch of sugar and caramelized the heck out of them. The onion weighed over a half pound when I started and reduced to four and a half ounces when finished. I wolfed it down like a bowl of ice cream.

One in ten of you is drooling over this. The other nine are deleting your browser bookmark and RSS feeds for my site.

So How About You?

It’s your turn! Do you have a weapon of choice? Are you in the middle of a program already or just thinking about starting something? Let us know below (or if you’ve already detailed all of this on your blog, just leave a link).

Oh, and happy Friday too. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

The great thing about trains is there’s no arbitrary upper limit to the number of cars it can pull. Theoretically, with a strong enough engine and a long enough track, you can keep adding cars to a train forever. That means it’s never too late to hop on!

Officially, there are three, four, five of us on this train, with verbal promises from several more. But words are just words! As Debbi put it when she sent her pic in: You’re right, having to take a picture and go through the “work” of sending it to you actually sorta feels like a contract!!! Hopefully it will work!

I think so! It’s this kind of extra commitment, no matter how small, that can sometimes tip the balance. Every single moment of every day is a decision. I talked about this in my Psych Out post a good while back. As you’re wavering in front of a box of cookies, millions of neurons are firing in your brain. A thousand different decision vectors are being added in the blink of an eye. The sum of these vectors dictates whether you will eat the cookies or head off on a brisk walk instead.

This photo—this commitment—is just one of those vectors. It may be weak or strong: I don’t know. But at least it’s there. It’s one more arrow in your quiver and you never know when “one” is what will tip the balance away from the cookies and over toward your goal.

Here’s the train so far. We have a strong engine and an infinite amount of track. It’s never too late to hop on.

We’re ready. Are you?

This past Sunday I took a vote among myself and it was unanimous: enough is enough, after all. It seems I had it right the first time. Now I know I’ve said this before, but trust me, this time will be different. This time it’s going to click. This time I won’t hop off the train just an hour into the trip.

By the time you read this, Tuesday, it will be Day Three of Attempt #104. I’m writing this at the end of Day Two and all I have to say is, “So far, so good.” I spent a couple hours on Sunday at the grocery store, buying all new foods for my new special program. I actually enjoyed pushing the cart around and throwing all sorts of things into it: fruits, veggies, whole grain cheese, organic Cap’n Crunch, low fat Crisco, and, of course, diet fried salami on a stick (zero milligrams cholesterol!) There’s nothing quite like the boundless promise of a new diet to make you stock up on things you never normally buy.

As soon as I got home, I set to making veggie soup. I once posted the recipe at Lord of the Onion Rings. But since I shut down that blog, the recipe is no longer available on the interwebs. (Maybe I’ll start posting recipes here. Anyone game for that?) Until such time as I do upload another recipe, here’s a placeholder for my awesome veggie soup:

1. Sauté onions and celery.
2. Add stock.
3. Add vegetables.

That’s it. Let it cook between one hour and three days and you’ll be enjoying bowl after bowl of the healthiest meal Produce coupons can buy.

So here we have the first chart of my next trip back to Onederland. I packed my bags, made it to the station, and hopped on the train without a moment to lose. And I don’t care if Halloweentown, Thanksgivingland, and Christmasville are the upcoming stops. I’m not going to let the specter of festivities to come keep me from starting. If I lose twenty before then and gain ten back over the holidays that’s so much better than gaining another ten between now and the holidays and then throwing another ten on top of it.

Update! I’ve had more than one person ask about the picture thing and I realized, indeed, I wasn’t very clear in my instructions. Original instructions have now been deleted and replaced with a sample photo: