Mirror, Mirror

Last week I asked the hopeful question, “Back on Track?” This week I answer it with an emphatic, “No.” The reasons are clear as sugar free Jell-O. I’m still eating too much.

Want a donut? Sure! How about a package of cookies? Why not! Here’s a forty-seven inch pizza, interested? Let me get my bib!

As much as it pains me to say it: this has all the earmarks of The Switch getting flipped off. I’m acutely aware of the symptoms, having been through this, oh, around ninety times before. So I’m probably not wrong about this. I’m amazed I made it forty weeks: that alone might actually be a record.

Of course, I can hear you all now.

No, Charlie! Don’t say that! You’re doing so well! You eat cheeseburgers and lose weight! You’re an inspiration to us all! Don’t give up now!

Well, the good news is, I’m not “giving up.” The bad news is, “I don’t actually have a say in this.” I’ve previously attempted to explain my reasoning behind this here and here. The theories still need a lot of work, but I believe I’m heading in the right direction.

It’s a tough pill to swallow. I’m keenly aware of that because we absolutely can’t stand the thought that we’re not in complete and total control of the 7×10²⁷ hydrogen, oxygen, and carbon atoms that make up our bodies. Be that as it may, the theory does explain everything from mindless eating to war to reality television.

So my hope now is that The Switch gets back on. Er, I take that back. My hope is for a zero-calorie cheeseburger someday. But until then, I’ll just hope that my little oxygen, hydrogen, and carbon buddies decide to lay off the damn Cheez-Its for a while.

Time for last week’s stats! First of all, check out this side-by-side graph of the past two weeks, and you’ll see where this post title came from. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the worst dieter of them all?

Click on that for a full version. It’s almost spooky. Oddly enough, although the trend is up, I’m still down three tenths of a pound from the week prior. Gotta love my new “one week average” approach. It can save me from an anomalous spike and make an entire up-week look like a loss! Hooray for math.

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