Life in Onederland

So how’d the 365 days since then go? Stay tuned. There’s lots more to write about. And I know the three of you are dying to know all about it.

So I wrote back on April 26, 2013. My apologies if this made it sound like my next post in this series was imminent. I had, of course, all the best intentions of posting more frequently and regularly. But then things got really busy at work and the ol’ blog fell by the wayside again.

That is until a few minutes ago when I asked myself, “Now where’d I put that password again?” Luckily I’d written it down on a box of Cap’n Crunch. I found it and logged back on to my site. The first thing to greet me:

Really, people? I still find it unfathomable that there are people out there who consider this a viable business model. Of course, it has to be working, or they wouldn’t keep doing it. Who cares if it takes two billion shots out of the spam cannon to grab one sucker who truly believes that a Nigerian Prince is honestly looking for complete stranger to whom he can give millions of dollars for no sensical reason at all. Those 1,999,999,999 misses didn’t cost a cent.

But I digress.

The second thing to greet me: the number of days since my last post. I was curious, so I whipped out my calculator, entered the two days, and tada!

I couldn’t’ve timed that better if I tried. So, once again, please accept my apologies for the unintended hiatus. Now, let’s get back to business.

The Cancer Diet

Last we left off, I’d lost twenty-six pounds in four days. (Yeah, yeah, I know. The body simply dumping unnaturally retained fluids doesn’t count as weight loss, but as I’m hoping to never have that experience again, I’ll milk it for all it’s worth.)

I’d tried many diets over the years, but until last year, I’d never tried The Cancer Diet. On the upside, because you don’t feel like eating anything, you lose weight. On the downside, you have cancer.

Although, to be fair, it wasn’t so much that I didn’t feel like eating. It was that nothing tasted right. At all. Staples in my life such as bread, french fries, and peanut butter tasted, respectively, like spackling paste, toilet paper tubes, and Lima beans. As far as appetite suppressants go, let me tell you nothing beats cyclophosphamide, hydroxydaunorubicin, vincristine, and prednisone. If you can afford the half million dollar price tag, temporary hair loss, and nausea, I highly recommend it.

I mean, just look at these results:

That graph represents February 13 through August 5, 2012. I had not only returned to Onederland on April 26, 2012 (for the first time since 2009), but I stayed there.

Further, if you look closely toward the right side of the chart, you’ll see that I even dipped below 190. With all this Return to Onederland crap, it’s easy to forget that that was never my final destination. I managed to come in below 190 on July 17, 2012 for the first time in, well, let’s see:

Now that’s worth putting Spider-Man on a unicorn.



7 Responses to “Life in Onederland”

TexasDeb said
on
August 5, 2013 at 7:18 am

Well all righty then! Spider-Man and the Unicorn it is. Good to have you back in the blogiverse, Charlie.

Reply
Lb said
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August 5, 2013 at 7:59 am

Hey we’re still here and so glad to hear from you! Do what you can when you can. We’re with you.

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Biz said
on
August 7, 2013 at 10:00 am

I almost spit out my coffee when I saw Spiderman on the Unicorn!

I wish you didn’t work so much Chowlee – but it was great seeing you in July!! I love you!

Love, your prettiest sister, Biz

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splotchy said
on
September 1, 2013 at 6:02 pm

Hi Charlie – thanks for posting – I came to your blog late (ie last year) but liked it enough to work through all of it, buy your book and wait to see what you’d post next and believe it or not you did help me in my desire to be less of a lardarse. So I hated your cancer partly for you (nice of me) and partly because it deprived me of a continual fix of someone I liked to read (not so nice of me).
Anyhoo, having got that out of the way, if this is moving from a weight blog to a cancer blog (I know it’s neither, it’s a Charlie blog, but I go by the name, ok?), then I hope I can chip in something constructive.

Firstly just to say, I hope you’ll continue to blog if it’s therapeutic (for you). Quite simply, you’re uplifting – you have that gift.
Secondly, something you just posted struck a chord – it was ‘the cancer diet’ – I last read this phrase in a book by John Diamond (a UK journalist) who wrote about his experience of a rare (different to yours) cancer. His book: ‘C – Because Cowards get Cancer Too’ is a down-to-earth wry look at Cancerland. It may help you. If it doesn’t, it may nonetheless entertain you. He had that knack of being upbeat (without being ‘whacky’ thank goodness) while everything was imploding, while seeing all the ironies.
Thirdly, Good Luck. I work in medicine and if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that mostly cancer is a lightening bolt and no-one knows why. So don’t you dare blame yourself (for some reason people do).

I do hope all is working out well, and it’s great to see you blogging; I have my fingers crossed this will be long-term – you are too good, karma etc. Thinking of you & best wishes.

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    Charlie said
    on
    September 29, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    Thanks for the note, splotchy. Glad you found me, late as it were, and that you took the time to read through old posts and even buy the book.

    If it’s not too much trouble, could you please tell twenty or thirty thousand of your closest friends about me too? That would really help boost my numbers and inspire me to write more often than once every two eight weeks.

    Reply
Green Monster Breakfast Casserole | My Bizzy Kitchen said
on
January 17, 2014 at 3:31 pm

[…] check out my brother’s latest post – he posted in August – […]

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