‘Twas the night before Christmas and all over town
Not a creature was stirring, except for this clown.
“Time to start shopping,” I said with some shame.
Why, year after year, is it always the same?
“Next year!” I swore, about one year ago.
“Christmas Eve will not find me with nothing to show.”
“By early October, I’m sure I’ll be done…”
“I’ll spend Christmas Eve with food and with fun.”
But no! Once again, I found no such luck.
And so, once again, it’s late and I’m stuck.
Now what can I buy for my family tonight
To make morning faces fill up with delight?
I drove to the mall. Too late: it is closed!
A quick check of my watch now tells me I’m hosed.
I hop back in my car and then drive down the street.
I look for bright lights, on the edge of my seat.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a well-lit gas station with a lonely cashier.
I parked in an instant and flung open the door,
And looked ’round with glee at the sight of this store.
It’s Corn Nuts for Rachel, Pink Sno Balls for Sarah!
My lovely wife Laura gets this cheap tube of mascara!
Slim Jims and Tic Tacs, Car Fresh’ners of pine.
Yes, all of these things, they WILL do just fine!
But on my way home I look down at my stash.
This bag full of junk is nothing but trash.
I feel kind of bad with this awful collection.
But it isn’t my fault: that store’s crappy selection!
I wake the next morning and brace for the worst,
Completely forgetting my family’s well-versed
With my shopping behavior. So how could I foresee
That THEIR gift to me’d be a half-empty Slurpee?!