A few minutes after midnight on Thursday, January 1, 2015, I had an amazing idea. A groundbreaking idea. In fact, it’s hard to believe no one has ever come up with this before. Forget about revolutionary notions like the automobile or space flight or even the Slap Chop. I’ve got something so good it’ll make your Tesla look like tinker toys.
I started thinking about my ups and downs during 2014. On the upside, I’m currently ten pounds below my highest weight of the year. On the downside, I’m also currently ten pounds over my lowest weight of the year. On the upside, I’m still fifteen pounds into Onederland: something that took me years and years and years and cancer to finally achieve. On the downside, I’m also currently ten pounds over my lowest weight of the year.
All this raced through my head at the stroke of midnight which is what lead to my aforementioned stroke of genius. I’m going to use the fact that the calendar changed from 2014 to 2015 as a reason to go on a diet. It’s brilliant.
When the clock ticks over from 11:59:59 to 12:00:00, everything changes. All prior transgression are expunged from the record. The year ahead is suddenly nothing but unicorns and beanie babies. It doesn’t matter if we’re up or down ten pounds, because, it’s a New Year and because of that We Can Do Anything.
Now, I haven’t officially gone off my last diet (though I took a pretty good shot at that over Christmas). My net success began last March with Diet #113. It got even better when Diet #113B started on September 30. So now I would like to invite you to say hello to my little friend: Diet #113C. It’s still the same diet as before, but now with one hundred percent more January.
Let’s do this.