Things were looking pretty good just a few weeks ago. After faltering for a while, I finally got my head on straight, lost six pounds in a week, and was well on my way to a new, svelte self. What a difference a few spins of the earth upon its axis makes.

I know y’all like my graphs, but boy, I’m not in the mood right now. It’s November, and Halloween is behind us, which means The Season is now unmistakably upon us. I’m doomed. I can see the four signs of the apocalypse already:

1. Eating whatever falls in my lap, no questions asked.
2. Walking around in a constant state of I-want-food.
3. Not logging anything on The Daily Plate anymore.
4. And, as already mentioned, it’s The Season.

A year ago I was doing awesome and was still nervous about The Season. I nearly made it through, but still popped up some pounds right at the end. I’m at the exact opposite position this year, so I’m a bit afraid of where this is heading. Perhaps the fact that I’ve already done it seventeen times over the last nineteen years has something to do with it. Those who do not remember history are condemned to re-heat it.

I’ll check back in on December 3, the next first Thursday of the month. Hopefully by some miracle, I’ll still be below 204, which is my post-Onederland high. If I’m actually in Onederland again by then, I’ll celebrate with a ginormous plate of Christmas cookies.

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner

Almost forgot! Last week I had a book drawing. Thanks to random.org, the lucky comment #4 was chosen. Tonia, please visit the Contact page and send me your mailing address. Congrats! Prize disclaimer: if I don’t hear from you in two weeks, I head off to random.org to pick another winner. So it’s sort of a “must be present to win” kind of thing.

NaNoWriMo

Today is Day Four. I’m waaaaay behind too. Anyone out there doing it? Are you ahead or behind schedule? Go ahead and chat about it below. In the meantime, I decided to share my Word templates and fonts with the rest of the world. Click here for details.

I just realized it’s been seventy-three days since I’ve mentioned anything about my weight. I know! It’s hard to believe the earth is still rotating on its axis. I thought for sure we would have crashed into the sun if I ever stopped publicly reporting my weight on a weekly basis.

I also just realized that it’s only been two days since I said the blog’s primary purpose would no longer be about weight and food. The basic premises being: 1) there’s more to life than counting cookies, and 2) there are already a brazillion other websites devoted to the topic. Granted, none of them are as entertaining as mine, but you can’t have it all. *wink*

Ironically, then, how we now find ourselves on the second post of the newly re-opened blog, and I’m already back to talking about weight. Sheesh. My blogging plans are as bad as my dieting plans.

What drove me to such madness? Well, I figured some of you might still be interested in food and dieting and you might be possibly wondering if my Return To Onederland was an actual return or just a visit. But mostly it’s to maintain my delusion that the world is actually concerned with a paramecium such as myself.

But enough with the jibba-jabba. First, take a look at how rosy things used to be only three scant months ago:

Now let’s tack on a dose of reality:

Anyone still reading at this point is probably asking, “Why am I still reading this post?” Er . . . sorry. I meant to say: Anyone still reading at this point is probably asking, “What happened between the happy graph and the less than happy graph?”

Several things: vacation, work, food, more work, more food, more more work and a lot more work.

Work is hard. Work is also bad for maintaining normal eating patterns. Now I could just blame myself. But it’s so much easier blaming others. Here’s what also happened: Day Ones #89, #90, and #91. Yes, it’s true. I could no longer go on pretending I was still on Day One #88 which began on July 28, 2008 and ended right about here.

It’s kinda sad starting over, but I can’t say I’m not a stranger to the concept either. Of course, like a mini New Year’s Day, there is something special about wiping the slate clean and starting afresh.

And yes, you read that right, I lost six pounds in the first week. I can do that when I quit eating like a pig. Of course, the next six pounds will take me six weeks to lose (which—great!—lands me right in the middle of Thanksgiving. I’m doomed.)

From here on out, I’ll report in the first Thursday of each month. Because I wouldn’t want the earth to stop spinning, you know.

Okay, okay, I know it was only one week ago when I said I’d only post weight progress once a month. After all, there’s a bit more to my life than the number on the scale. (Not that you could tell from this summer’s postings. This isn’t at all how I planned the summer would go. Oh well.)

Anyway, check this out:

I don’t think I’ve ever seen that kind of a line before. I like the trend, though. If I keep up this half-a-pound-a-day rate, I’ll be fit as a fiddle in no time.

In fact, probably just in time for me to start gaining a half pound per day over the holidays!

This, I must say, is a first. I’m celebrating one year into this current diet. Technically, the anniversary is tomorrow. However, given that diets always start on Mondays, week-wise, it’s today.

And I had to ponder that for a while. Yes. This really is a first. Despite the fact that I’ve been doing this for 7027 days now, this is the first time a single, particular plan has lasted for an entire year. The old record topped out around nine months or so.

“Wow! How did you do it, Charlie?!” Yes, I can hear you asking the question already. Those who’ve been around the whole time might remember it all started with this little gal and my all-time high blood sugar reading of 161. At that point I decided to cut out high glycemic foods. And I did for a while. (Never mind the fact that just this afternoon I ate bunches of chips, cookies, and various other snacks of the sugar and/or flour variety. I’ve far from got this thing licked.)

But what’s different this time around is that an afternoon of chips, cookies, and sugar and flour doesn’t completely throw me off the wagon. The next day I’m typically fine again, and back on track. On my previous eighty-seven diets, one bad afternoon would mean months of undoing it all, followed by even more months of trying to get back where I started.

“Wow! How do you do it, Charlie?!” Not a clue. I have no idea why this time is different than any other time, with the sole exception that I’ve never been as old as I am now. Maybe something just finally ‘clicked’ for good. Of course, if I knew exactly what causes the switch to click like that, I’d bottle it and be a billionaire overnight. Unfortunately, it’s different for everyone. And, as I said, we’re never cured. Even Richard Simmons still struggles every single day. And he’s a professional.

Vacation Damage

Last week I promised I’d catch you all up on the vacay damage. Here’s a chart overlaying the week before vacation (red) followed by last week (blue):

I was a bit zoinked-out when I saw my weight begin with the dreaded Not One. But I can’t say I was surprised in the least bit. Thankfully it was just that one day. After that, though, the weight didn’t start coming off again like I thought it would.

The Big Picture

I was all prepared to whine and moan about it when two things hit me. First, it was a vacation. Big deal. Eat a little extra. Or, in my case, a lot extra. But the second thing that hit me was The Big Picture. What does the last year look like?

Is it a world record? No. But it’s a heckuva lot better than gaining twenty six pounds in a year, which isn’t impossible. And though I’m “only” down 26 pounds in 52 weeks (half a pound a week!) I’m actually down 38 pounds since my all time high in January of 2007. So that’s something.

I think from here on out, I’ll only post a weigh-in update once a month. There’s plenty of other things to talk about beside food.

Like beer, for example. Mmmm… I think I’ll go get one right now. What’s a few extra calories anyway?

My guess is when most people find themselves writing “Day 7000″ they’re only doing it to exaggerate. It’s not actually the seven thousandth day of their diet, just as they don’t actually weigh seven thousand pounds (even if that’s what they like to tell people).

But I’m not most people. Today really is Day Seven Thousand for me.

No joke.

If you’ve been around this blog a while and/or read that wonderful book which you see over on the left, you know two things about me:

1. I’ve been at this a while
2. I like to weigh myself. A lot.

I wouldn’t go all the way to obsession. (More like compulsion, perhaps?) Either way, it’s just what I do. It’s not a good thing; it’s not a bad thing; it just is.

So bright and early this morning, I hop out of bed, weigh in, open up the spreadsheet, and type in the numbers. And there it is. Day 7000:

The astute reader will notice two things:

1. Yes, I still use Excel ’95
2. I don’t weigh myself every day

There are only 4373 entries, which means, on average, I only weigh myself about 62% of the time. However, that number is a bit skewed since there were long stretches early on where I didn’t weigh in at all. (For example, there are only 48 rows for all of 1990.)

But I digress.

You see, the fact that it’s Day Seven Thousand isn’t nearly as interesting as this next little tidbit. Ready? For kicks, and in honor of this momentous occassion, I thought I’d take a peek at Day One again. You know, the Day One. The First One Ever. Here’s what I saw:

See anything odd?

Check out my weight.

Day One: 194.0
Day Seven Thousand: 194.5

Never mind the fact that I hit 168.0 on September 8, 1991 (yes, you read that right). Never mind the fact that I hit 239.0 on January 2, 1997 (you also read that right). The net result of this extraordinarily painful exercise over the course of 19.165 years is: a half pound gain.

Oh well. At least it gave me something to talk about.