Last week I asked y’all to pick the place for me. You’ll all be mad as heck to learn that Deb’s cheating actually won. She listed P. Terry’s four times in a row, thus garnering PT’s the most votes. (To be honest, I’d nearly made up my mind to go there next anyway…)

Before you actually try a P. Terry burger you first must acquire one. You have two choices: 1) command some underling of yours go get it. (This is a great way for your toddler to get some real world experience.) Or 2) get it yourself. I chose the latter.

If you’re coming to P. Terry’s from the south west, I highly recommend this easy parking plan, cuz that’s exactly what I tried and it worked. It only takes about ten minutes to run this circuit in heavy traffic:

Ignore the McSign in the background. This is a great sign.

You know what’s another good sign? Cheap food. Two bucks for the basic hamburger? Even a miser like me can live with that. Not to mention it’s refreshing to find a place that doesn’t charge an entire dollar for a single slice of American cheese:

Here’s a nice shot of the stand itself:

If burgers and fries weren’t enough for you, free dog bones for the kids!

(I wish I had a better shot of Rachel. Her shirt says FREAK.) Between us, we ordered one combo and one extra cheeseburger. Saved thirty-five cents too!

Ah… now those look like good fries!

And here’s the burger itself. That patty looks pretty thin. Maybe that’s not a good sign. Plus, I’ve never seen the meat on top and the condiments below. Interesting…

Along with a closeup, for the discerning readers:

Austin Burger Tour #4
Location:	P. Terry’s
Burger:	Better than average
Fries:	Just the way I like ‘em
Parking:	Disconcerting
Rating:

I will admit up front I made two mistakes. (Or, a single two-part mistake.) I got onions and jalapenos on it, something I rarely do. I like onions a lot, but primarily when they’re cooked in some way (preferably caramelized: I can eat caramelized onions out of the pan the way I eat popcorn out of a tub). I also like hot and spicy foods quite a bit. But today, it really just overwhelmed the burger, and I regretted it after a couple bites. I didn’t regret the meal. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed it. But when the purpose was to actually test drive the burger itself, it was a bad choice.

The patty was thinner than I expected, although now I know why the prices are low. These weren’t monster, half-pound burgers. That said, the patties were still thicker than the very thin top bun. And the taste? Well, like I said. They tasted a LOT like onions and jalapenos. I think I’ll have to pay them another visit (or four) to do this right. For now, I’m giving it a 3.5, only because I did enjoy the Mighty Fine burger that much more.

Next week? It’s time to pay Hut’s a visit. (Though I have kept all your fine suggestions from prior weeks in a handy file. Keep ‘em comin’!)

Our first two stops on this tour were at Magnolia Cafe and The Oasis. While both places serve burgers, neither is actually known for its burgers. They just happened to be two places I stopped at when this idea popped into my head. This week is different. Now we’re at a place actually dedicated to the craft. It’s time to get serious.

Welcome to Mighty Fine!

You know a restaurant is committed to its craft when it’s menu is as short as theirs. Essentially, the entire menu is:

• Burgers
• Chili Dogs
• Fries
• Drinks

That’s it. Sure, you get to pick your burger size, and whether or not you want to take the unimaginable path of ordering it without cheese, but this really is all there is to it. You walk in, make a quick pick of what you want, and they write it on a bag for you.

The burgers are made fresh, on-site, and behind glass for all the world to see. It’s a lot like going to the zoo and looking in the lion cage except that the lions are human and they’re making burgers.

Burger patties, burger patties! Roly poly burger patties!
Burger patties, burger patties! Fry them up, yum!

Next up? The all-important French fries! These are also made on-site. Whole potatoes are dropped into the giant Crinkle-O-Matic machine and they come out like this:

And then deep fat fried:

For all the trips I’ve now taken to Mighty Fine, I actually have yet to try one of their shakes. Yes, I realize that’s a little like going to Disneyland and forgetting to ride any rides, but I just haven’t done it. For one reason, it’s definitely a dessert, and I don’t really want a dessert with my burger and fries. For another, it’s just extra calories. I know that sounds absurd, given the fact that the burger and fries are probably 1,200 calories together. But then again, people don’t make sense, and I’m definitely people.

And here is the final product, just minutes before disappearing like an airplane in a David Copperfield television special:

Austin Burger Tour #3
Location:	Mighty Fine Burgers
Burger:	Now we’re getting there!
Fries:	Crinkle cut
Bathroom:	Disconcerting
Rating:

A Mighty Fine burger has just about everything I like in a cheeseburger. It’s juicy without being greasy. It’s done without being burnt crispy. And it just tastes good. What more do you want? Well, apparently I do, because I only gave it four stars. Frankly, as good as this burger is, I know that better awaits. Besides, if I just hand out five-star ratings willy-nilly, then the whole system is as pointless as burger without cheese.

Next stop? You decide! Any Austinites comment below. Whatever place gets the most comments, that’s where I go next. In case of a tie, I go to all of them. (Here’s hoping for a ten-way tie.)

If you missed Part 1 in this new series, click on the “Previous in Category” link below. There I began my tour of Austin burgers at Magnolia Cafe. A few days later, I traveled north to The Oasis. There I waited to be seated. I ordered a burger. I returned with the eye candy below.

(Warning: 4,660,225 pixels of glorious imagery below. As most of you know, I don’t normally post this many pictures. But it’s hard not to when you have this kind of scenery. Forgive the bandwidth hogging just this once.)

The Oasis is a very popular restaurant north-west of Austin, right smack dab on Lake Travis. In fact, calling it a “restaurant” is a bit of a disservice. It’s nearly a small, self-contained resort. Situated about three hundred feet above the lake and with seating for over fifteen hundred people at a time, the self-proclaimed Sunset Capital of Texas attracts swarms of people from all over the inner solar system.

It also attracts lightning. After over two decades of operation, in the wee hours of June 1, 2005, the french-fry-encrusted outdoor decks were hit and the entire place went up in flames. But you can’t keep a good landmark down. They rebuilt (with much more steel and stone and much less wood) and ten days ago the Hills family finally made their first trip back.

The main building is like a castle, complete with a courtyard filled with flowers, sculptures, and 372 people waiting to be seated.

Once you complete your trek skyward, you’re treated to some really nice views:

There are indoor dining rooms—how many, I have no idea—but if you want to sit in a dining room, then stay home. At The Oasis, go outside and sit on the decks:

One of my favorite sculptures:

After waiting half the day for your table, the sun finally sets. It’s the main event, and as soon as it disappears from view, they ring a bell and everyone applauds. Primarily because that’s the signal that dinner is only three more hours away.

Bzzzzzzt. Three hours later, our little flashy thing flashed, signaling dinner time.

The view at night is just as nice as during the day:

I also signed my name on the wall:

Don’t worry. Everybody does it:

And there you have it! I hope you enjoyed your trip to one of Austin’s biggest tourist destinations. Next week we’ll … Hello? … Yes … What? …I didn’t what? … Sorry, folks. I just got a phone call. Be with you in a minute. Slow down a sec. I didn’t tell them what? … About the burger? … What burger? … Ohhhhhh! That’s right. Thanks. *click*

I nearly forgot! This was supposed to be a burger review. Well, unlike the poor soul we read about last week who had a less-than-pleasant experience with an undercooked meal, my burger was pretty good. (I didn’t let that bit of bad news deter me, mostly because I’d already made the trip and taken these photos by the time I’d read that. Still, based on these photos, isn’t this the kind of view worth getting sick over?)

Anyway, here’s the burger plate:

Austin Burger Tour #2
Location:	The Oasis
Burger:	Slightly above average
Fries:	Not burnt
View:	Incredible
Rating:

It was slightly above average. Definitely better than last week but I can’t say it was the greatest burger I’ve ever eaten. Frankly, though, most people aren’t here for the culinary fare, and it’s quite possible every dish gets an extra half-star awarded to it simply for the sunset. If you’re ever within driving distance, I definitely recommend it. I also recommend bringing a good book; or at the very least, a few sudoku puzzles.

Next stop? Mighty Fine!

Yeah, yeah, … I know I call this category “Pizza Night” but I thought I’d finally kick off an idea I’ve been kicking around in my head for many moons now.

About six years ago, a local Austin rag ran a cover story entitled, “Is This Austin’s Best Burger?” The cover depicted Hill’s Cafe’s “Old Fashioned” burger stacked up against a field of thirty-two contenders. The spread showed all sorts of juicy, burger goodness, in full color, across several pages. It was at that point I made a very conscious decision. “I will seek out and try every one of these burgers. Oh, yes. I will.”

Fast forward six years. I’ve now tried exactly none of them. I think it’s the sheer anticipation of the burgers that makes me happy, more than the burgers themselves. Otherwise I would have sought out and tried every one of these burgers. Oh, yes. I would have.

But all that’s about to change. In the last seven days I’ve had two different Austin burgers. I think the time is ripe. So let’s begin with the first stop on my tour: Magnolia Cafe.

Magnolia is not listed in that “top thirty-two.” To be fair, Magnolia isn’t even a burger joint. It’s primarily known for its breakfasts, poor parking, and four hour waits on Sunday mornings. In fact, before last week, breakfast is the only meal I’d ever had there, and it was darn good. That said, they do have a burger selection, as seen on their menu, and as I was too tired to hunt down anything else on the menu, I just uttered, “Cheeseburger” when the waiter came around.

One of the dangers I constantly run across when ordering burgers is the burnt factor. I like my burgers medium, if not medium well, but this can fetch me a very wide range of “doneness.” I suppose it’s not unlike ladies going into a clothing store for a size 12 and never knowing if you’re going to get an eight or sixteen, regardless of what the label says.

The burger came with what the menu called “home fries” but what other restaurants might call “hash browns.” They were chunky, still had the skins on, and were flavored nearly perfectly. Except for the burnt edges. I didn’t have a camera with me at the time, but this image here gives you a good idea of some of the potatoes. But not all. I definitely ate the rest. And I ate them first, because potatoes go cold too quickly to save for later. First rule of burgers: always eat the taters first!.

With the taters safely out of the way, I moved on to the burger. It was … well, passable. I mean, as long as you cook some sort of ground meat and place it inside a bun, you’ve got a burger. And I’m okay with that. I mean, I may be a picky eater, but I’m not a picky eater. Know what I’m sayin’? So that’s how I rate it: passable.

Austin Burger Tour #1
Location:	Magnolia Cafe
Burger:	Passable
Fries:	Good when not burnt
Parking:	For the lucky few
Rating:

Of course, to really give every place a fair shake, I really should make six or seven trips. Only then can I really be sure of my score. And if any of my local fans have been here, feel free to chime in. After all, this is just one man’s opinion. I could be wrong. I often am.

Next stop? The Oasis!

About … hmmm …. oh lordy lord … has it been twenty-one years? Yes. Yes, I believe it has. How does that happen? How can sitting in traffic for an hour feel like an eternity, but pop! oh, guess what?! Two decades just evaporated. Thanks for playing.

Sorry. I’ll start over.

About twenty-one years ago, I was a card-carrying member of a dedicated, breakfast-loving group of co-workers. We met for breakfast once a month at a local greasy spoon called Boswell’s. Oh, did I say “spoon”? I was being nice. This place was a greasy bucket. I don’t think a single item on the menu, including coffee, came with fewer than 478 grams of fat.

The number of participants varied each month, but it wasn’t unusual to have at least ten of us show up. We met early in the morning. (At least half of the year, it was still dark.) No one bothered with menus as each of us, in turn, ordered his or her “usual”. We ordered as promptly as possible because it was at least a forty-five minute wait for the food to arrive and we still had to go to work. I don’t know why we never once thought about doing it on a weekend.

At least eighty percent of the group’s “usual” was what Boswell’s called the “special.” (Ever wonder why the most commonly ordered item on the menu in restaurants like this is always called the “special”?) From time to time, someone would perhaps order a waffle. But that was rare. (In fact, I remember one time, about two tables over, a poor guy ordered oatmeal. He was immediately escorted from the restaurant and banned for life.) No, with rare exceptions, you got the special.

I’m sure you’ve already pictured it in your head. Two eggs (“any way you like ‘em!”), two pieces of bacon, four sausage links, four sausage patties, six slices of toast, a full (or half) order of hashbrowns (“full” is the correct denomination), a stack of hotcakes, slathered in trans fats and maple-like syrup, two more pieces of bacon, corned beef hash, biscuits and gravy, ham, grits, two bagels with lite cream cheese, steak, and a donut. All that for a buck ninety-nine.

It took nanoseconds for everyone to dive into their fourteen-thousand calories as soon as it hit the table. After all, it had been a long, long wait. Not to mention the only thing most of us had had to eat that day was three or four sugar packets while waiting.

The food was all exquisitely fine but, I tell you, nothing topped the hashbrowns. (Unless, of course, you topped your hashbrowns with grilled onions, green peppers, or jalapenos.) They were unlike any other hashbrowns I’ve ever had. The potatoes were shredded and essentially cooked into a giant, thick potato pancake: crispy on the outside and full of steamy goodness on the inside. I preferred mine with a single coat of Tabasco sauce and two cups of salt. Mmmm… mmm… those were certainly the days.

Unfortunately the tradition ultimately ended as one by one we dropped dead from clogged arteries. That must have been the fate of all their customers because they long ago closed up shop for good. We eventually looked for replacement greasy buckets, but alas! they just weren’t the same. I mean, hardly any of us died at the other places.