Money Money Money!

I don’t watch a lot of TV. Now don’t worry, it’s not because I’m some sort of snob who believes television is evil and should be abolished along with Twinkies and water bottles. On the contrary. If I weren’t so busy with a million other things everyday, you’d easily find me fixed to the couch covered in a half inch layer of Dorito dust, remote still firmly in hand.

So when I do watch television, it’s usually for one of three reasons:

  1. I’m catching up on the History channel. (And by that, I mean the actual history shows. Not guys driving trucks or cutting down trees.)
  2. I’m watching what someone else is watching because I walked into the room at the wrong time. (This is the only reason I know that “The Suite Life of Zach and Cody” is now “The Suite Life on Deck.” And I can’t wait to see those two on “Inside the Actors Studio” someday.)
  3. I’ve completely zoned out late at night and need to flip through a few channels to clear my head. (This is very rare, but it happens.)

Well, Reason Number Three happened in the last month or two. While mindlessly surfing, I came across this “Internet Millions” infomercial, about how anyone can — you guessed it — make millions of dollars on the internet. Apparently, all one has to do is sit back and cash the checks. It’s that easy. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it myself.

As you can tell by where your eyeballs are currently pointed, I already have a web site. In fact, I have several. So I know a little bit about the industry, and can say with complete certainty that web sites do not make millions of dollars by just being on the internet. You know this too, since most (if not all) of you run your own web sites.

Of course this infomercial is nothing new. Just substitute “real estate” or “tiny little ads” for “web site business” and we’ve been watching this same, lame pitch for decades now. Personally, I just can’t process the entire “money money money” concept. Didn’t every single one of our mothers tell us if it’s too good to be true, it probably is?

Hmmm… but maybe I’m looking at it the wrong way. Perhaps they’re not selling yet another get rich quick scheme after all. Let’s take a look.

infomercial

The woman on the right is saying, “One of my girlfriends told me that she set up a web site business and when she started explaining all the stuff she had to do to make it happen it made my head feel like it was about to explode.” What the television viewer is actually hearing is, “One of my boobs told me that she set up boobs and when she started explaining all the boobs she had to boob to make it boob it made my boob boob boob boob boobs.”

What a brilliant scam. I can hear guys all over the country right this second picking up their telephones and ordering within the next ten minutes. I tell ya, someone’s making millions here, and it ain’t the customers.



6 Responses to “Money Money Money!”

Jeff Atkinson said
on
October 1, 2008 at 12:37 am

Thanks for posting the article, was certainly a great read!

Dinah Soar said
on
October 1, 2008 at 8:40 am

So true! The only ones making the money are the ones getting the viewer to “bite”.

Anonymous said
on
October 1, 2008 at 2:18 pm

Sounds like I’m in the wrong business.

Vicki said
on
October 1, 2008 at 6:33 pm

They don’t tell you who made a million making all their boobs

Biz said
on
October 2, 2008 at 12:55 pm

I’ve actually seen that commercial and it always make me laugh!

Next thing you know, they’ll be naked!

johngl said
on
October 5, 2008 at 8:04 am

Well, crap, Biz. Now I have to sit up late at night and wait for that. Maybe it will come on right after Tribal Life: Indigenous Boobs Not Fit For Young Audiences.