Way back at the end of January 2009, I was contacted by NURU asking if I’d do a product review and/or giveaway. Can you imagine? A company trying to promote its products via the blogosphere! I mean, next thing you know people will start selling banner ads on the internet.

So I said, “Sure,” most likely placing me forever in their debt due to the fine print I missed on the verbal agreement. The product? “Exercise Anywhere” cards. According to the official blurb:

NURU’s Exercise Anywhere is for anyone who wants to improve their physique–regardless of whether they have access to a gym. Sized to fit in the palm of your hand, these 30 ultra-thin, waterproof cards provide innovative, “do-anywhere” cardio and muscle-strengthening exercises designed to get your blood pumping.

Hmmm… interesting idea, actually. Keep them in your pocket and you may just be inspired to exercise anywhere. I can’t fault them for that. It’s much better than the Eat Anywhere plan I’ve been on the previous twenty years.

To give you an idea of what the system is like, I thought I’d risk a bit of copyright violation to show you excerpts from the cards side by side with old Charlie here trying out the exercises.

First, the ever-popular situp. I was in the middle of working on the potato soup recipe when I decided adding more potatoes to my midsection was the last thing I needed.

The next day it was back to work. As I was running late for my first meeting of the day, I decided I really needed to do some lower back extensions. I dropped my bag and hit the floor. Ahhhh… that felt good.

About halfway through the meeting, I realized I was feeling a bit flabby and took a few minutes for some squats.

After the meeting I was hungry. Time to hit Vend-O-Land. As I scanned the veritable cornucopia of snackfoods before me, that nagging voice cried out once again, “You don’t need any more Cheez-Its!” Grumbling, I told my boss to shut up, and I took to the floor.

I made it through another heavy work week just in time to relax with a leisurely Saturday morning of mowing. I tell you, nothing breaks up the monotony of trimming the green with some exercising.

Hot and sweaty, I decided to cool down and clean up in the tub. At which point I realized I hadn’t done my bicycle crunches for the day!

Once up and dressed, it was time for a quick trip to the store to pick up a few things for dinner. Whilst perusing the rice and beans aisle, I decided upon the rice and a “Pike’s Pushup.”

Unfortunately, I got halfway home before realizing I forgot the one thing I went to the store for: the chicken. Rather than turn around and go back, I realized was just across the street from a McDonald’s. Stopped there, grabbing a quick bite followed by a quick set of table chin-ups.

I have to tell you, I didn’t believe them at first when they said I could exercise anywhere. How wrong I was. If you’re the type of person who never works out because you don’t have the equipment or the expensive gym membership, you now have no more excuses. Pick up a pack of these cards and just do it!

Way back in my own early days of e-mail, now nigh on two decades ago, I remember receiving an unsolicited, obviously bulk-sent, electronic mail message. I have no idea what it was for but I do know it just made me mad. “How unfair!” I thought. “Someone . . . anyone . . . can simply take my email address and send me as much crap as they feel like and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Except in those days we actually believed there was something we could do about. We were so young and naive: “We’ll just track that guy down and have his ISP shut off his account. Ha ha! That’ll teach ‘em. They’ll never send spam again!”

Well, two decades and eighteen quadrillion spam messages later, I don’t think the ISPs shut down those email accounts like we asked. It’s just a fact of life: spammers will continue to spam and our spam filters will continue to send it right into the trash. How efficient.

What bugged me first about it was indeed the invasion of privacy. What bugs me now about it is I find it embarrassing. Embarrassing, that is, for our species. If some advanced alien civilization looked down upon us, searching for any signs of intelligence, I sure as heck hope it doesn’t see this:

I don’t know about you, but to me, that’s humanity’s intellect at its finest. How’s that for someone trying to entice me (or my blog readers) to visit his web site? I’m sold! Or how about this one:

Four comments, right in a row, posted to the exact same blog post. Riveting. It’s pretty obvious what they’re selling, isn’t it? Oh, you mean you can’t tell from that gripping sales pitch? Here’s a hint: they’re small, blue, and for some insane reason, can be covered by insurance.

My next favorite breed of spam is the one with two completely different directions. How does this make sense, again?

This next one actually is a pretty good technique. The body of the spam is a compliment. Its sole purpose is to make you feel so happy that someone posted a comment that you’ll click on the link to see who it was. Then you’re left scratching your head at why Bad Credit No Problem is so enamored with your daily ramblings.

Lastly in the “Thanks, I think” category are comments like this:

And I blame you for this wonderful post. Please visit my site again soon. It just wouldn’t be the same without you, Mr. Spammy Robot.